LBS need help and support #2

[faithisbelieving]

No one ever said give up or lose faith (er...see my name).

It is about maximizing your chances of being in that 5% here that end up in piecing, which in itself, is difficult.

If you have Levine's book (N.U.T.s), you'll see that one of those NUTS is staying in shape. I applaud that you dropped the pot and dropped the weight. Attraction helps. It doesn't mean hot clothes and a new bod...it is an attitude. If you don't have it yet, I also recommend Deida's book ..The Superior Man (not what it sounds like) and making her happy dot com. Sign up for the newsletters.

song..this is not easy. Been there done that. I won this twice and lost it twice. Some people are just lost.

If homework is where it should be, then, keep on doing those other things that keep you in with the kids and find new ways. Keep up those games you play. I still tickle my daughter...carry her on my shoulders going up the stairs. Those are the things that you and I recall about our parents.

You really have NO control over what she thinks, does, etc. Recognizing this is a release for YOU. I sense that you read my post above as a 'give up'. It isn't. It takes time to 'get it' and that is normal. The word detaching seemed so alien to me when everyone kept telling me to do it. I employed the word wrongly. Many think of it as ignoring, cold-shouldering, being vacant from the room.

That's not what it is. I found Gray's book, Mars and Venus Starting Over very helpful. It helps to understand grieving and forgiving....getting certain emotions out...and understanding the difference between the hope for reconciliation vs. denial.

Finally, in the beginning, there was NO ONE who could make me give up on my M. Ignore the exterior influences on your W. She must choose what she wants in her life. Should she foolhardily choose to side with another woman (misery loves company), then, this is her mistake to live with.

The only thing you control is your attitude and your actions:
-do not look for babysteps
-continue to be a good father and husband
-DO move forward with your life
-do continue to keep in shape
-DO NOT PURSUE OR R talk...it truly NEVER works
-don't get buttons pushed and keep on doing what you are doing: LISTEN more than talk. Think HARD before responding. Then listen some more. SILENCE...is a poweful tool.

Hang in.
FIB