Almost 2 yrs Later

[Aud31]

Glad to hear good things--you're absolutely right, isn't it crazy how easy it is to slide back into old patterns?

Merry Christmas.

[RedHeadWife]

Ok, journaling my thoughts. I don't know what I'm thinking right now.

H is TDY again for 6 wks. He is close enough that he has been coming home on weekends. He has been very loving for awhile now. Last weekend I actually took the boys to him and he had gotten me a candle & card b/c he knew that taking care of the boys has not been an easy chore (especially on a road trip).

Now the part that bothers me. For some reason, my radar has been up just by little things. Nothing that would probably bother a "normal" person -- just bothers a person that has been cheated on so many times by their H.

We knew he would have to stay there for at least one weekend to do some volunteer work, but for some reason, my radar has been up and I thought to myself "if he says he has to stay THIS weekend, I'm going to really wonder if something is up." Up until this a.m., he had been saying he was going to come home. Now, after not calling last night & supposedly falling asleep in his clothes and that's why he didn't call, he has to stay there this weekend.

Ok, for those of you who have been cheated on, you are going to fully understand my thinking. I know I'm probably just "making things up," but I'm still bothered for some reason.

[Punktmann]

Hey RHW, hope things are good besides the suspicions. I know what that is like.

Maybe things are one way maybe the other.

YOU are the center point of your family either way. Stay strong.

Keep your chin up, you're a great mom and can't nobody take that away.

Best,

Punkt.

[runningoutoftime]

I know exactly where you are coming from, and I know those feelings.

Unfortunately for people like us we can be overly sensitive to this type of thing. And our "radar" may be a little too finely tuned towards it. If it makes you feel more comfortable just keep yours eyes and ears open... but don't make yourself sick, don't overreact or allow your imagination to get too involved.

Unless you have concrete proof, try not to let this drive you nuts.

I'm not saying to discount intuition, but on the other hand try to be aware that it could be a little "overreactive."

I hope that helps in some way. Please write back when you can.

[oldtimer]

Uh, trust yourself. It doesn't sound like you are making up things to me.

[RedHeadWife]

Well, I wanted to wait until the weekend happened and he was home to say anything more. I needed to see how things were when he got home.

Prior to him getting home, all this past week, on the phone he has been so loving and saying how much he loves me and misses me.

Since he has been home this weekend, he has been nothing short of pretty much perfect -- so loving etc.

I just have these feelings of "WHY?" Why does he feel this way NOW? I guess b/c he has been gone, away from the family, and realizes how much he loves me and us. It is just hard for me to wrap my mind around him loving me again so much after everything that happened even though it has been so long.

[NoCodeBlues]

Happy Valentines Day, Red.

[RedHeadWife]

Ok, guys & gals, need some advice here. Maybe I should move over to SSM.

We're doing really well, however, I have absolutely NO sex drive whatsoever. I long for how I felt when I thought I was losing him and couldn't get enough! I don't know how to get those feelings back.

[oldtimer]

Are you having orgasms regularly?

[RedHeadWife]

Nope. I've learned my lesson about not wanting to have sex and rejecting him regularly, so I pretty much just do it on a regular basis to keep him happy, but am getting nothing out of it myself.

Maybe I am just in a backwards rut -- thinking out loud here. Maybe since I'm NOT expecting to enjoy it, I'm just going through the motions and I should put a little more into it to get back to enjoying. Does that make sense?