Probably should be in Piecing, but Going to Stay

[Still Waters]

No she's paying for her own apartment. We both work so we can afford the two apartments for now.

She says that she feels endless pain for hurting me and that she's filled with regret. Lots of talk about how bad I've been hurt (even though I've handled it way better than she has) and how one day she hopes I can forgive her. Of course I already told her that I could forgive her, but she doesn't believe me.

She says that's she's filled with "self-hatred, guilt, and shame," she called herself "a coward, a fraud, selfish, and a fool," and she said that I was the victim of her acting out due to problems in her life (some having to due with me and our M, and some unrelated) that she was unable to handle.

The last email she sent me said that her goal right now is "to take the steps necessary to heal, try to find a way to forgive myself, find out who I am, and become a better person."

So she kind of goes back and forth from showing remorse and playing the victim. It's just ridiculous to me that one of her "steps necessary to heal" doesn't include trying to work on our M.

So I've left her alone and haven't had contact with her for a week now.