First off - stop overthinking everything. It will be the ruin of you.
Here is our famous quote: "Don't try to rationalize the irrational."
Your H is not in a right frame of mind right now - it is very likely that you cannot say or do anything to change that frame of mind. I spent hundreds of hours talking to my W - saying things from the core of my soul, and I doubt if she heard 20 minutes of it.
You can simply be you - when it first started for me, nearly 2 years ago, I started doing some DBing when I didn't know what it was. I backed way off, got real quiet, stayed busy, and pretty much left W alone. I remember I went down and watched a movie once (Lady in the Water). The next morning W said she wanted to try again, and GET THIS: she said she FORCED herself not to come down and be with me and watch the movie. Talk about irrational!
Of course, I blew that good will by clinging and pushing, and temperature-taking. The worse she got, the harder I pushed and pulled, and it just went downhill.
Also, don't listen to stuff they say - you have to steel yourself to the fact that, in their mind, they are moving on, etc. But I guarantee that their feelings don't just shut off - they just become very good at smashing them.
When you are fun, and happy, and easy to get along with - and not emotional, and sobbing, and clinging - you become an attractive person. Work on YOURSELF - not him.
If I had known this 2 years ago, I would probably be in a great relationship with my W - but unfortunately, it's been 2 months - after she had started in with OM.
Let me also encourage the going dark once again - I don't know if you need to start with DARK, but at least half-dim. Do not be at beck and call. I know it's hard, I remember my stomach being twisted in knots!
