Lost- That's for stopping in on me. I stopped at your sitch as well and left a few comments/thoughts.
Still- I think forgiving yourself for something like an affair is different for different people. I took a long time to forgive myself. Some people act like it never happened right away and that is how they forgive themselves and move on. If it's only been a short while. She will have a ways to go yet. Too many memories will be popping up, and people to face yet.
"Not Just Friends" is a good book for her. It will help her understand. If there is a way she could come to these forums.....these forums helped me sooo much. "The Power of the Praying Husband" would be a good book for you.
I know what you mean about counseling. I, also, had a counselor that just kept talking about my childhood....I did learn some things, but it didn't help me with my marriage or deal with what I was doing/did. I've heard great things about cognitive therapy. Saffie is the one that told me about it. If I were to go again, that's what I'd do.
