LBS need help and support #2

[faithisbelieving]

Song (and indirectly to volleyball)....separation is a difficult thing. I post this not to be a negative person or naysayer, but, after living in 'babysteps-ville', I have gravitated toward reality-based.

The majority of women who separate will go on to D. Not all, but, a large percentage. Many times, the reason for separation involve an OM. They are usually well-hidden. I am not trying to cause fear nor send you down cheeseless tunnels nor put my sitch on yours. What I am saying is you must now walk head up with eyes open. You must play a tough game of Twister: keep one hand on DB..place one foot in reality....the other hand spiritual...the other foot leading/grounded/attractive. There is NO FIFTH appendage (well...uh...you know) to put on a colored circle for babysteps.

Babysteps are not winks, smiles, eye contact, etc. They are not phonecalls for you to pick them up if their car breaksdown. They are not a cup of coffee made for you in the morning. These are moments of lucency in their clouds of confusion. They are moments of reducing their guilt for what they are doing to us and our families.

Real babysteps are:
-asking to go for a walk and holding your hand to talk
-expressions of desire to stay together while going thru counselling
-etc

My point is that holding on to hope, looking for that epiphany, etc. is only going to hurt you.

Did I say give up and treat them like crap?

NOOOOOOO!

The way back is by letting go and detaching. Moving forward with your life. Losing those extra pounds (FOR YOU NOT FOR HER).

The way back is by continuing to be the same strong husband and father that you've always been.

It is my belief that the quicker you accept the loss of what your M was....grieve...and let go of her...it will release you to move forward. From what I've seen, those who can do this are the ones who win back their W's.

Your WAW's are like bloodhounds. They sniff out anger, fear and pursuit. They sense you hunting down any little sign of hope. Ask yourselves.....would your W want to be with you the way you are now? Going dark doesn't mean that you stop talking to them and cold-shoulder them. It means you change your pattern of behavior so that you don't pursue them...it creates mystery, not jealousy.

Understand???

To song....why aren't you doing homework with your children? Is it time to get involved? I do math with my son. I teach him how to tell time. I read to him at least 2X a week. Is that attractive to be seen doing? Of course. More importantly, you are bonding with your kids.

No matter what happens, a woman loves to see a good father. Whether or not you save your marriage, it is a goal to achieve for all us men. Be in the moment with them.

FIB