Que Sera, Sera - Whatever Will Be, Will Be

[lemonsnap]

Thank you all so much for the encouragement. Reading your comments is one of the uplifting parts of my day.

Greek - I'm honored! Thank you for responding to my request. Of course, now my mind has gone completely blank. I'm sure I'll come up with a few more specific items. I guess I'm just curious about the process for you - the things that you found most difficult, what (if anything) was beneficial about your separation, etc. I know those are pretty general, though! Bear with me. I'm not sure if my mind can do finely tuned in its current state...

Kassie - Thank you for your feedback.

I think the mixed message was in your head - if you are trying to make a change then it will feel different for you.

I agree. Inside, I know my heart and mind aren't lined up (because my mind is DB-ing and my heart is begging him not to go). Over time, I know head/heart will meet somewhere.

JD -

I felt like I was "enabling" W when she moved out.

I think this sums up my current feelings perfectly. I need to let him go, but I don't want to encourage his behavior. Confusing! Thanks for helping me see things clearly.

Yesterday evening went pretty well, all things considered. I had a good yoga session, although pearlharbr, after your comment about yoga making you feel sort of queasy sometimes, I felt like that during class! Ah, well. It's good for me to get those emotions out.

I planned to take the bus home, but H left a voicemail offering to drive down and pick me up. We ended up going grocery shopping, which was a good chance for me to practice another 180.
Normally I do most of the shopping. I have control issues mixed with financial control issues, so I like to be very "in charge" and tend to dominate those areas, even with groceries (geez.) So I got things that I wanted, but also just let H get lots of things that he wanted - with no comments about prices, choices, healthy vs. bad, etc.

H seemed to be studying the grocery store a lot more than normal (preparing himself for shopping alone, I suppose.) He had some questions about where to find items, so I just calmly answered them without getting anxious or reacting.

We ran into a classmate of his, and he only introduced me by name, not by saying "this is my W." I let it slide. Normally I would probably have made a comment.

We watched a movie last night and even laughed a bit together. I felt like it was the first time that I actually had a PMA around him without completely faking it. I've got a long way to go on this front, but last night it felt good.

The hard part was this morning when the topic of my sister-in-law's pregnancy came up. H asked when the baby was due, and when I told him, he said, "Be sure to remind me when it's born, so that I can send a gift." I just said okay, and then had to walk away so that he didn't see my face.

Are these comments just to test me?