Hi AmyC Jacks_Three_Beans told me you would be a great resource for me. H is having a MLC at 34, had an EA that seems to be over but she still call every now and then. But they work together too. However, I used to work there also and all my friends there say things are definitely "colder" and "not very friendly" between them now. Basically, JTB and Trapt have been giving me some insight, but I would really love a woman's point of view of my deal. I would give you the link to my sitch or is it stich, but I have no idea how to do that just yet. Any help/advice/lectures that I need/etc I am up for.
I'll find you and catch up on your sitch this week, slh!
Thank you. It's been a crazy, crazy ride. I need all the help I can get. Things have started to look up though, so I really want to keep that momentum.
It's BEEN 2 whole, little, skinny, scrawny months.
So far just one question:
WTF were you thinking leaving the house?
As for momentum - no worries there. So long as you like the plunge off the cliff at the end.
But I must continue reading so I know the whole story before I flip out, right?
Wait, wait....just one more thing: Did you actually pay $150 for a consult with a coach here and still walk the flip out of your house in spite of that and the people here who have been talking to you?
As if you aren't requested enough. 25 said I should talk to you about my situation. Mine is Divorce Looming #4.
When you get some time, can you chime in? I could really use your advice and experiance.
My WAW is having an EA and PA with a guy she used to work with. He is married with kids also. My W is into money, sex, high life, image, partying, etc.
She filed for D Feb 4th 2009.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
LOL!! I love you already. I walked out of the house because it was the first time I did something that gave me some say and control. He left us in November. He came home when he wanted. He did his laundry there. He made dinner there. He would TIVO his shows there. He came and went whenever he wanted, for the most part and when I asked for a little more privacy to get my mind straight, he said no pretty much. When I said I was leaving he got close to begging me not to do it. He said he would give me some space, promise, promise, promise, etc. Since moving out last Friday, we have had more conversations that give me information and insight into his unhappiness, his problems, his fears, his life and his hopes as it relates to the marriage and life in general. I may be a weirdo but for me, moving out was the BEST thing for our relationship, if only to give me some answers as to what his motivation was in leaving, some real answers. Before this, he was utterly vague. He even gave me specific events and specific feelings this weekend. And these two months have been the worst of my life. I lost 19 pounds.....I wasn't over weight to begin with. And since I left, we've spent more time together of a quality that reminds me of when we met. I truly think my H had no idea what divorce would mean for us as a family....the shared time with our S, the traveling from house to house, the cooridination.....I think he thought it would continue to be him staying with his buddy, drinking beer, watching 24 with Kiefer Sutherland and reality TV, coming and going when he felt like it. Unfortunately for him, I think some reality has hit him square in the butt and forehead. What's more, I can always go back whenever I want. I thought the point of not leaving the house was to give you the opportunity to interact with the spouse.....I get to interact with him quite a bit, maybe too much. I actually think some distance is what he needs, to let him miss me. And before this weekend I can't say that he really did. And now here, staying with our friends (we are a very close couple and they hate that we are in this boat, and made it very clear, if my H were to say, Hey I want to live there too, they would let him because they don't want to pick sides--they've been very good about that)I can go out and "not be available" when he comes over. These friends LOVE our S and want to watch him. So I know it was a risk, but it seems to be paying off. Here's a funny story: My husband has a very public job. I used to have a similiar job at the TV station....(I used to be a tv reporter, and he's still in the biz, as we call it). Today some coworkers and I went out to lunch. A woman, waiting for her food as we were taps me on the arm. "You're a lucky lady" she says to me. I ask Why? She says "I work at "SLH's Favorite store with the cutest jewelry in this town. And I helped your husband when he bought your Christmas present. Those Swarovski earrings were gorgeous....." I didn't get a Christmas present from my husband this year. That's probably the time when things were BAD BAD BAD. I couldn't help myself. I asked him about it. He sort of yelled "None of your business." I said You're right. I'll let it go. Later he texted me, I think surprised I didn't text or call him, maybe she did let it go. He said "How do you know I didn't get them for you and then never gave them to you? How do you know I didn't get them for a friend for his wife? How do you know? What would say if I told you that's what happened?" I texted back, "Both of those scenarios would make me happy. Now you should let it go too." I am actually still very upset about it, because I'm sure the ex-OW from his EA probably has them....but I am working really hard to let it go. So now with all of that, I want all the advice and wisdom you want to give me. After all of this and really before it, I don't offend easily and my feelings are actually hard to hurt. So please, anything you have to offer me, I will take with both hands. Even after the weird way I learned of the Christmas present meant for someone else, I want to save this. And I know it doesn't seem like it, but I am a good listener. I just had to get out of that house with all the memories I love. I needed a break, an opportunity to think straight.
Actually, I'm not sure of anything except I will protect my S at all costs. One hour, I believe we can save it. The next I don't think there's a snowball's chance in hell we'll work it out. However, I'm encouraged that he hasn't mentioned the D word in a very long time and we had a little disagreement yesterday and he could have said "It doesn't matter because we're done" and he didn't. So, hopefully, today will be a good day.
Truth be told, this current marriage really is over. I agree with him, it really is not worth saving. However, I would like to start again with him, with new eyes, new attitude, new hopes and a different plan and effort for us to make it into a future together. For example, I know now that I need more ME time. I was way way too wrapped up in the baby and I think this is one of the problems and how all of this started. Minimum GAL has been a huge thing for me. I think he's noticed that too and is happy for me. There was a time when we were completely aware of each other. I don't know how else to explain it. I would like to be there again. I would like to save that or bring it back anyways. A better sentence would have been "One hour I believe we can bring back the good/great things we once had and bring in new good/great things to our new marriage." Why? Do I really have to explain that?
**side note: Where in Va are you? graduated from Tech.
