PM Thread #4

[PositivelyMommy]

Hi Sandi, thanks for your truly kinds words! First of all, I have read many of your threads and never have I thought you gave two-by-fours, you just told the truth as you see it. I am that way also. To us, it's not about nice or not but more importantly what the truth of the matter is. So don't worry about hurting my feelings, they are not hurt. I understand that a difference of opinion does not equate to not liking or respecting someone. Two separate issues altogether!

I find that our normally articulate, capable husbands can be totally mute of matters on the heart. They really ARE unable to communicate and process feelings the way we women can. So what you have now is a sitch that seems like each thought the other were not there for each other. No use crying over who is right and who is wrong, you know that. So I guess you want to start right now to validate him and feel OK about it inside yourself. It's easy!!! Really easy, Sandi!!!

I read somewhere that general compliments do not work for guys. Don't ask me why, just is. But compliments with specifics works like magic.

E.g. "Thanks for doing the yard work yesterday" can be turned into 'The garden looks so much better after you put the new mulch down. It smells good and looks good. That was a great idea that you had to buy more perenials this year. It looks SO much than last year. I love it! I love the smell of freshly cut grass too, thanks so much, the yard looks fantastic. How about I make your favorite dessert tonight to thank you in return?'

OR

"You look nice today" to "Wow, that shirt and tie combo really looks good on you. Your skin looks more tanned and your eyes really come out with the blue on that shirt. Hunky! Want to fool around tonight?"

Now, it doesn't hurt to think up things in advance either. Would you go into an interview without preparing for it? Would your favorite football team go into a game without a plan? Just jot a few things down that you like about your H. Then write down specifics about those things. Be truthful, don't makeup something to say just because you are stuck. Try to have it come from the heart. Then when the moment is right, pop, out it comes! He may or may not be used to it at first so could be a little wary but on the inside he will swoon. Now, if you guys are not on good terms and he accuses you of being fake but since you really mean these compliments (you do, don't you?) you can just tell him honestly (making eye contact) that you mean it. I doubt that will happen though, my H and I are not on the greatest terms now but he reacts very positively when I give re-enforcements. Guys are suckers for compliments.

Now, regarding feeling fake - you may or maybe feel comfortable the first time you do it. But it is like riding a bike. (My daughter just start a two-wheeler.) You may be wobbly at first, unsure of yourself and stumble a little over your words. DON'T WORRY. The more you practice, the more comfortable you will feel. Nothing new feels comfortable, everything takes a little time to get used to, right? So give it a shot, give him a specific compliment today. See what happens, I will wait for your good news.