Yes, I am reading more and in the later chapters, they sort of gloss over the specific problems with the wife and most of the time, the wife is just a vague human being who is being very unreasonable. That does not paint a true picture of both sides of the story nor is it fair to not address the needs of the other person involved in the M. As well, they seem to give up pretty quickly, don't they. The attitude of, well, if it isn't working for me, I'll just go out to find something better, she is unreasonable and I am justified. Wow! So I see your point about the BB might not be where you and I are at this moment. It sounds too much like what my H's attitude is. He thinks that the M is doomed, nothing in the R will change even if he is growing so why bother to try at all. Not a good attitude.
But there are many merits as well and his observations are excellent. I just don't think he is a marriage counsellor or marriage saver like Michele.
Kev, can you tell me, if Mr Nice Guy thinks he has tried his darndest to please his woman and thinks that he can't succeed (for whatever reason in his head), what would it take to change his mind about the situation? I guess my question is, I have made a lot of changes in myself this past year - H is not interested and does not ask about me but I sense he is still seeking approval from me. To tell you the truth, it is a lot of pressure to continue to give him kudos and constant reassurance. He needs to find his personal power but what can I do? Do I say anything? Do I keep feeding him approval or do I just step back from the picture all together? I don't want him dependent on me for approval since the book says it's unhealthy but I do want to encourage him in his parenting. What would you do if you were in my H's shoes?
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
