PM Thread #4

[Can it work]

PM, I'm glad you're finding so much from NMMNG. It was a really interesting read. The one thing I would ask is that if you truly think it represents your H so well, should it not really be him who's reading it? It's a book to try and break the 'Nice Guy' syndrome in someone who has it.

As for whether I found myself identifying with the syndrome, the answer would have to be most definitely. After reading the book I discovered that I was an a-typical Nice Guy. I found it refreshing to finally have the answers to why I was like I was. Dr Glover definitely has something there. What I would like to see from him though is a book more based in saving marriage from a nice guy's perspective. NMMNG is definitely more about saving yourself (possibly at the expense of everything else). For a time I did visit the forum based on the book but soon stopped after getting advice time and again to just ditch my W and move on to be a better person. It wasn't doing me any good. I'm sure that in certain situations, those answers would be valid but they weren't the ones I was wanting to hear. The warning that Dr Glover gives in his book is that when applied in a relationship, the principles he suggests may very well break it as much as fix it.

So, I would say that I took from NMMNG the parts which I thought would help my M and ignored those that wouldn't. Probably not the best way to do it but at the time I was living in fear of losing my W. It's thanks to that book that I reclaimed my marital bed for instance. I think maybe I might read it again from the perspective that I'm now a LBH. It might even make more sense this time round.

I'm more than willing to discuss all this more in depth with you or anything else PM. I'm thinking I'm going to be visiting these boards for a long time to come so I'll be here whenever you need me.

Kev