Well I screwed up. I called a mutual friend of mine and hers to see if I could get some insight. I know, I know...never do that. It was stupid. Anyway, he told me that he thinks that it's inevitable that we'll be divorced. He said that she knows that this is not not a good thing for her at this time. She worries about me and the kids. She doesn't want to put us through it, but she really thinks that it is the right thing to do. He said that he was sorry to have to say it, but he didn't think it would not go through. He said that the three months, not returning the rings, etc. was all because of guilt she felt, but that she has not wavered in her feelings.
I left the house when she got home saying I had to run out for something. I went and had a little mini-nervous breakdown. I'm starting to revert back to panic mode. Luckily, I was able to keep my cool in front of her. I can't have a breakdown here or else everything is lost.
I tried to PM you this next part, but the board will not let me. My wife has issues with her thyroid and suffers with fibromyalgia. This is not a disease I fully understand, and most of the information on it seems to be a bit broad, but basically, as near as I can tell, it's depression that causes physical joint pains. Often it accompanies thyroid issues, as thyroid issues can cause mood swings and depression. She just started with a new doctor and the doctor prescribed an antidepressant. She has been on the antidepressant about four days now, so it's too early to judge anything.
Once I had my breakdown I could think clearly again. I really think I should just stay the course and hang on to see if the antidepressants make a difference. I'm thinking maybe if she isn't so smothered by depression she may see a future with us. I'm hoping anyway. This particular antidepressant has been known to work a bit faster than others, though they say there is still about a month and a half before one receives the full benefit. Now all I have to do is hang in there.
I figure that I'm going to stick with what I'm doing, and just try to make right the areas that I missed out on. One of the things that make this so difficult is that we were extremely close friends for years before dating. I have now known her, and been close to her in one form or another, for over half of my life. I cannot believe that she would just give up on us. If I can see a way, I know that she can. She just needs to be pointed in the right direction. I'm not sure that made any sense, but my brain is about scrambled right now. Half hour of sleep+12:35 AM+getting rather negative news+mini-breakdown=disjointed post.
