Hey Cinders, maybe I am just a bit anal or something but after reading your thread I am feeling a bit like I missed something. To what degree do you torture yourself after all that you have been through? I get what you did, I get it wasnt what you wanted to do, and I get that you regret it. However, I do not get the guilt and remorse, it was a conscious decision that you made and then you come back and express guilt. No reason for that.
You did not go out and have sex while living as a married woman. (Go ahead firm believers, jump on me) I mean your marriage has been where you know it to be for some time now. I think you have to just think through all of this and understand that your initial reaction was a bit over the top because of the enormous pressure that you put on yourself to be "saintly", your not saintly, your just a human.
I wonder if your reaction would have been different had he been an excellent lover and provided you with more than he was able to...hmmmmmmm... what do you think??? It was a tough decision for you to make in the first place, then to have him suck.... blech.......
Glad you took care of the doc issue and such today, that is what is most important now. You will know when you are ready to get back on the bike again, for now park it in the garage till you are ready.
