Divorce looming #4

[K4D]

Its almost 9pm. I'm back home from kids counseling appointment and W hasn't been home yet. I'm guessing she is with om again. Usually she tells me her plans. Tonite she didn't. This really sucks. Why do I keep putting up with this?

Kevin

[davidswife]

I don't know Kev, why do you?

I've said it before -- she has no respect for you. I hope that you'll soon find that YOU respect you. That's what really matters.

Goodnight to you, my friend.

Stacy

[Mellenmack]

Kevin,

You said I was getting stronger, but I see you getting stronger, too. You have nothing to lose by staying in that house. You have nothing to lose by seeing a L. She is going to make off with everything she can if you play by her rules. I promise. But if you stand up and do what you know you should (see the L, don't let her get away with anything) you'll at least know that you got the best deal you could. She is messing with you. And that is very very dangerous when the person you are messing with has NOTHING TO LOSE. She can't divorce you twice. Custody won't be up to her, it will be up to the judge. So don't let her threaten you.

Melissa

[K4D]

She got home at 11pm. Walked in and past me to her room. She didn't say a word. Neither did I. Then she came back out and asked how the kids counseling went. I said it went fine.

Looks like we are putting an expiratipn date of dec 31st on the agreement so I can head to florida wednesday.

Kevin

[K4D]

Ok, we are remodifying the agreement. It will only be til the end of this year. I am having her make all kinds of changes to it so she doesn't have to pay for an attorney and I guess it will free me up to leave tomorrow barring something else happening. Which I hope something else does happen.

I sent her one last request to really examine herself morally before going through with this. It will probably piss her off. But once this is done, I can't say anything further. It will be totally up to her what she wants to hear and doesn't want to hear.

I can't believe its finally coming to this. But it is. She is just to far caught up in OM and money and the lifestyle to really step back and look at things right now. I tried to explain that just because you can do something, doesn't necessarily mean you should. It will send her into a tizzy.

I know who she used to be. But she is just overtaken by to much else right now to see it.

Kevin

[spellfire]

Now if only there was a way for OM's W to find out what her H is up to without you having anything to do with it...

[K4D]

There is a way. I'm just not sure what it is right now. Basically if they keep at it, he will screw up somewhere along the line. She is already suspicious. He will get caught. I caught my W.

Looks like Thursday morning I head out to Florida. We are signing the modified agreement tonite. It only lasts for this year. So I am not to worried about it.

Kevin

[JDOllie]

How will this agreement affect your divorce? Will you put in a continuance to delay it from proceeding?

[25yearsmlc]

Geez Kev,

Better not make her mad. I mean, what will she do if you piss her off? Will she leave you? OH WAIT A MINUTE, SHE ALREADY IS LEAVING....

Stop being frightened b/c the worst is already happening, EXCEPT you stopped the ultimate screw job by seeing a L and protecting your rights as a father. Over time, she'll see you for the man you are, and that is NOT a tactic to get her back, it's about being a good dad. That's enough.

As for breaking promises and not trusting, how do you keep a straight face? I'd ask her whether she wants to be the pot or the kettle b/c they're both black and she has NO room to talk about trust and promises....how about VOWS???

Oh, and too bad you didn't know you'd want to be a participating father when you slept with her Sat night. Too bad you didn't know she was trying to screw you in two ways...now that you know, tell her YOU won't let it happen again....

I'm disgusted by her behavior but trying hard not to judge. You know the other her, and we just have to believe that she'll resurface.
But you are NOT helping by arguing, reasoning and pursuing. I should know. I have persuaded juries to see things my way for years but I could NOT reach my h when he was in his MLC and he just could not hear me. Doesn't matter about the logic, and the multiple reasons. He is only NOW getting that d19 is upset with him and that it is HIS fault....he is facing consequences of the collateral damage his choices cost others and I truly feel sorry for him. I love the guy but would not trade places with him for anything. He has to do some serious damage control and reparations with his kids, especially d's.

Your w needs so much time and space. So much damage is being done to so many people, she'll have to face it someday and you don't have to help it along at all (by telling OM's family...please, let that poor woman who is married to him have her last scrap of dignity awhile longer) and as for you and your wife--

Back off and don't make it harder than it already will be for her to come back. Stop engaging. Stop pursuing. Just calmly CALMLY assert yourself as a man/father and otherwise let her go. As for her family's support, consider the source.

Good luck buddy, hang in there!
(( j ))

[K4D]

Thanks.

We signed the waiver of service, the custody agreement and our own agreement tonite after I modified it severely. I'm good with it all now.

I will be leaving for Florida Thursday morning so she will get all the space and time she wants. The only thing left is for me to approve of the divorce decree which will happen in late March sometime.

She wants me gone. Consider it done. I will arrive in Tampa Florida Friday night. My dads birthday is Friday night. But he is catholic so lint is going on. So we will do something for his birthday over the weekend.

My daughters are set up on webcam and have cell phones, so I can be in constant communication with them.

My W has no intention of stopping the D. Why should she. She is already sleeping with OM. Its not like delaying the D keeps anything from happening.

I have alot of self training to get through in Tampa so that will help occupy my time. The beaches are nice. I have alot of friends in Jacksonville that I will make a weekend trip or 2 up to see. That is only 3 hours away. Also planning on driving to Key West while there. I have never been there. Gotta make sure I get on that softball team as well.

I am building up some plans to help me detach. Jacksonville trips will be hard because that is where we lived for 5 years. So many memories there. Its going to be hard to take. But I will enjoy seeing my friends.

I asked W if I could take my dog with me to Tampa. She said no. That is her guard/alert dog. I said fine.

The truth is that I have this fear that once I am in Florida, I am not going to want to come back to Dallas. Dallas is where my W left me and D'd me. Kind of puts a black mark on the city. But I have to because this is where my kids are. Florida is really awesome though.

Tonite after I signed the papers for a brief few minutes I actually felt a relieved feeling come over me. It was very strange and I wondered why. But then shortly after I became angry about the whole situation.

One more day left here. I am not allowed to attempt to reconcile with my W til January 1st 2010. Thats fine. I can live with that for 10 months.

Kevin