Wow! You got to the point. It was hard to take - I was looking more for sympathy. But your points are well made and I am thinking about them.
I have been working on the roller coaster thing for awhile. STill needs a lot of work.
We definitely are both stubborn minded for certain hence all the head banging. I did DBing before reading the book just after our separation and it worked to a point. In other words, as long as I could keep it up, things went fine, but when I couldn't keep it up, the R went South. I am juggling too many responsibilities to do all the work myself. I thought he was turning a corner in the last two weeks but clearly not yet.
Secret, not GALing, just not answering. Everytime the phone rings, or I see messages, I get sick to my stomach.
I normally would turn the sermon into an interesting talk but he made it clear he was making a point about us specifically in relating it to me. I realized that it was personal, but perhaps didn't allow him room for saying it was about him also.
You make a good point about the mother thing - but he is a bit 'slow about many things" - and I thought if I made myself clear about what I am looking for from him it would make it easier.
It ended badly - I hung up the first time, called back after calming down and genuinely feeling bad about ending the call that way and called to apologize. I also try to model for him the fact that people can get angry with each other and then they get over it. He gets angry and stays that way for days.... So, after the apology the argument continued with him and I tried to warn that I needed to stop and ended up hanging up again because he didn't have any control.
He did called a few times with more self control - I didn't answer - just listened to them. He showed a lot of restraint in repeating his original message that we need to talk about our R moving forward and forgiving each other. I haven't returned the call. Don't really want to talk to him now. Personally feel that we aren't anywhere close to working on our M together. Afterall, he only has 3 weeks of sobriety, and 2 IC sessions behind him. I think there needs to be much more insight on his part before he can deal with our stuff.
I do keep hearing one thing from everyone and that is he is still communicating with me even though I keep going dark on him.
So, while you were hard on me, I do appreciate the straight talk. I may feel I need the hugs a lot of the time, but I also need straight talk at times. My mother used to talk to me that way and I would resent it, she explained that I just responded better that way so she kept it up. Thanks for reminding me of my other side and while I didn't like my mother very much - this was good.
