Here's what scares me. I asked him to see a therapist in November, because I felt that he is work-addicted and I told him maybe he needed to find out why he strived to fill every waking moment with productivity--what was it about idle time, or just relaxing, that scared him? What was he running from?
So he found himself a therapist. A couple weeks later I heard the first "I'm questioning everything." Maybe he was unhappy with our marriage before, somewhere deep down, but none of it came out until he started seeing the therapist. Now I feel like a grenade has gone off in the middle of our marriage. The therapist started him asking questions. For good or bad, I'm not sure.
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Have you tried couples therapy or sex therapy?
His therapist suggested that we get couples therapy, and so we've gone twice so far. It has been awful. The fellow clearly sympathizes with me, but at the same time says things like "some people just aren't meant to be married" (speaking of H) and "monogamy made sense 5000 years ago when people only lived to 40, but maybe not so much any more." And H just sits there and doesn't say anything. He is the one who brought me to the therapist, and I know he wants to make things work (or at least I really think he does.) I try to address the work addiction and the MLC, but it comes back to more of a 'he's-just-not-that-into-you-and how-does-that-make-you-feel' conversation. Then I spend the next three days crying and H says he doesn't know how he feels or why he feels the way he does.
So needless to say, I'm not too impressed with the therapists we've come across so far. We did try sex therapy about 5 years ago, but it was really awkward and we only went once.
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Please pick up Passionate Marriage and read that after you read the SSM and SSW books. Maybe your husband would consider reading the books too?
