Thanks for the feedback. Our timeline is strangly in-sync. My D was even final in late October too, but I don't remember the day.
You say this situation seems obvious, keep moving on with my life, this ship has sailed. I completely agree, why would I want to invite that sadness back into my life? It's not fair for me to compare my XW to my GF, so I try not to. Unfortunately, I arrived at the decision to 'try' with my XW again bacause of this mindset. After thinking about it for months, I came to the conclusion that if my GF wasn't in the picture, I'd be trying to work things out with XW. That's all it took for me to re-evalute everything, and think it would be fair to give XW a chance.
I should really just be getting some space and time to figure out what it is I want out of life though. It's funny you ask the questions at the end of the message... "What do you want out of life? What are your goals for yourself? Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" Funny thing is, I don't really have solid answers to those questions. These must be the kinds of thing you figure out on your own.
What do I want out of life? Probably too much! Exactly what I do with my life is not something I can envision right now, but as I lay on my deathbed, I want to feel as though I led a fulfilling life. Life with my XW wouldn't have given me that, the way it was going.
Goals come in all shapes and sizes, but I think mine are in line with most peoples'. Have a happy healthy family, success in my career, travel the world, and do what I can to be charitable. These are probably more likely to happen with my GF. She is a doctor doing charity work in a foreign country. Our values seem to align well so far.
Where do I see myself in 5 years? Hopefully not regretting any of the decisions I'd made over the last 5 years =) Seriously, it's a hazy picture, I'm not sure. Probably in a different city with a completely different life. It's what I want and am fearful of at the same time... the uncertainty of starting over again.
XW has given me the opportunity to go back to what I had, but when I am honest with myself I know my old life not really what I want. Who's to say I'm not deluding myself into believing that moving away and starting over won't lead to the same conclusion.
What sucks about this whole thing is that with the D behind me and life moving forward, I'm still being affected by it. All the emotion disappeared for a long welcome time, but has come back with the re-emergence of XW.
