My H plays bass, too, also self-taught and doesn't read sheet music. All by ear. When he and his buddies went to go buy instruments to start up a band back in high school, nobody else wanted to play bass so he was relegated to it. Maybe that's part of being a Nice Guy.
Anyway, he got really good at playing, and was even part of a "signed" band after high school (is that the right way to say that?), but it didn't go beyond one tour and one album. Anyway, he is in great demand to play with local musicians. So, playing bass benefited him in that way.
He can also play other instruments as well as the guitar, but he is a master at the bass.
I have to surrender and drop the rope and all that jazz, too. I wonder if being able to truly do that requires that you are able to envision completely walking away. I just can't see it.
I'm annoyed with myself today. But, I'm going to go shopping and buy something that makes me feel sexy, dang it!
I can read music just don't do it much so I'm out of practice. Wow he got signed! I did a 6 month stint with a band that traveled but we were playing all cover music. My current band is actually guys from 20 years ago, it was and still is all original we never got to that signed level. We did a lot of opening for acts in town though.
That's funny. Bass players being "nice guys". It is an instrument most guys fall into I think. I actually wanted to drum and my best friend said "hey why don't you play bass?"
My answer?....."What's bass"? duh!
I glad I ended up on bass. Only 3 things to move and set up. Drums are complicated and a pain to move. And for most music bass lies somewhere between the drums and the other instruments. Kind of best of both worlds. I tend to really lock in with the drummer.
My favorite comment by a drummer is Stewart Copeland (The Police) in his documentary about the band (I forget the title) that he shot with a super 8mm camera. He said something like, "My drum kit started out pretty simple until I got a drum tech to set them up for me. As long as I don't have to move them and set them up I don't care how big the set gets."
[color:#FF0000]AHA!!!!!! A real good, mad, noisy, out and out temper tantrum!!![/color]Way to go, Kid! OK, not a tantrum, but at least a small explosion. I don't know what kind of rope you dropped??? (The one you were at the end of? LOL)Missed that book, I guess, anyway, no pussyfooting around. Great!! Now she knows what you really think and the intensity of your feelings. She knows you really mean it. No waffling, hinting, clamming up.
My older son was not always forthcoming, but if you got him mad, you'd know EXACTLY what he thought. Of course that's not the best way to communicate. Better to express yourself politely before you got to the blow up point, but polite doesn't always get heard. So it worked and I admit a few times I made him mad just so he'd get out what he needed to say. H is the same way except for the Passive-Aggressive stuff where he may lash out & say something he doesn't mean. Later he'll recant & say something like "But..." and explain what he really meant. Pain in the ass, but I guess it works. Better than fuming inside all the time & no one knows why.
AND she gave you a real hug the next day. Hmmmmm. You realize my rants and tears are what got thru to my H, right? The day I had the 2 hr crying jag & couldn't stop, he was mad as if it was an act, but he knew. It was way out of character for me. Not seen since D had bad cancer test results. It scared him. It made him realize that he had to do something. I don't like myself when I lose it and scream, I know how I sound . Theory is that no one will change their way of thinking until they have a 'significant emotional event' that causes a revelation. Ya think we provided an emotional event with a rant? A head-slap for them? The light-bulb "OH!"
Not attractive, not proud of it, wanted to talk rationally, got nowhere, got frustrated, got angry & just flat out howling like an animal despaired. Blew up. Didn't apologize, feel bad about it or beat myself up about it after. What felt horrible was being pushed to the point where it was inevitable.
You can only deal w/so much pressure at one time before you'll erupt. Don't apologize or feel bad. Fortunately you did it in a constructive way. You told it like it is for you. Anything she was not clear about or was ignoring is out there for you both to deal with. Cool!
Hey, around here, if you're in the musician's union, you can sign up to get called for gigs like the orchestra for a musical production or show or private event. And lots of the union members play in independent bands, combos, under the table between union gigs. As long as you're doing repairs at your mom's you're skilled enuf to get on w/a remodel/rehab contractor, right? Not a career dream, but money in the meantime Sorry about the lousy job interview. Ya gotta kiss a lot of frogs ...... Jayce
me: 66 H:60 2 adult sons 2 grandsons adult daughter deceased 5/05 me:Part time trainer H: plant suprv.
Jayce, somehow I think I finally made it clear to her how I feel about things. It may have been when I said with tears in my eyes:
"I want to start living life now, I don't want to waste any more time waiting. We only have what 30 or 40 years left? Our time is NOW."
Saturday night W and I went out to eat, just the two of us, and had a nice evening talking. That night without my saying anything, she came to bed in a thong and a tee-shirt. No TV at all just straight to bed and we ML. The way she is touching now feels genuine too.
Even the other nights in bed our snuggling and petting has felt so much more real now. Like she really means it.
Next time I get to 1/2 price books I look for that N.U.T.S book you suggested Jayce. It does sound like a good book to add to the library.
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
YeeeeHaaaa!!!! A thong. Wow! Um for someone who doesn't seem that into sex, where'd she get that?? And if its from way back, how'd she know where to find it? Hmmmmmm, maybe its been in the top drawer all along & she wasn't comfortable wearing it. How neat!
You hit the nail on the head with the "now" statement. There are no guarantees of a long future for anyone. Regretting wasted time is the worst!
Hoping you're next weekend will be sunny, too. J
me: 66 H:60 2 adult sons 2 grandsons adult daughter deceased 5/05 me:Part time trainer H: plant suprv.
I had the same "What the...?" thought about the thong too. She bought some of these during our reconciliation 7 years ago. She was working on getting her "sexy back" at that time. She does have a drawer full of all sorts of sexy lingerie. There is even some garters, stockings, silk chemises and teddies in there that I wish she would wear more often.
She prefers flannel, it's more comfortable... sigh
Just checking in. I'm keeping up with all of your posts.
Have you tried saying something about the Birks and the flannel? Or, have you ever seen something on TV or in a catalog and said, "That would look great on you."? Does she know you don't like it?
My H never says anything about what I wear, so I assume it's fine with him. Or is it... (dread... horror.... insecurity flaring...)
There are comfortable things at Victoria's Secret that are better than flannel. Would you ever surprise her with some clothes from there?
Hmmmm... Maybe that would be insulting to her... I think I need DQ's opinion here.
When my H wears something that I don't like, I just suggest an alternative. He usually agrees. Only when he doesn't own a better alternative does he get frustrated and angry that I said anything. Then again, this is woman to man, not man to woman.
I would love to get VS stuff from my H, but I'm HD. I dunno...
I'm going to come out of the closet. I have Birks that I purchased in a granoly hippy chic phase. They are amazing for the feet and they're great to wear when you have to stand a long time (like when I cook). But, I'm usually just barefoot in the house and I never wear them out.
. Theory is that no one will change their way of thinking until they have a 'significant emotional event' that causes a revelation. Ya think we provided an emotional event with a rant? A head-slap for them? The light-bulb "OH!"
Sorry about the lousy job interview. Ya gotta kiss a lot of frogs ......