Pearl - how funny that his response is "can I pick up my stuff?" Personally, I'd have it sitting out on the front porch if it were me...
Journaling:
I was sort of reading you (Pearl's) and Tawnya's comments to each other about sort of being glad it was over, and I'm trying to sort out my feelings.
I love W deeply - we had a great relationship, wonderful time with our kids. The summer before the "bomb" we went to Siesta Key in Florida - for a week doing nothing but talking, lazing around, just hanging out - just enjoying being with each other. My point being that we didn't have "separate" lives - maybe a bit co-dependent, but you know...
We rarely, if ever fought, we just sort of "lost the passion". I still believe that our family would be awesome together - and it's not some sort of delusional thing where I'm trying to fit a round peg in a square hole. I'm thinking more clearly than ever, probably.
What it boils down to for me is not whether we could work things out, but if W is too far gone to allow it.
This month of darkness that is now 3+ weeks gone has really brought out the worst in her - but it has brought out the best in me. I have not responded to insults/goofy stuff, I have been a man and stood strong when I needed to, I have stepped back and kept my mouth shut when I needed to.
I have separated the normal highs and lows from the stupid reactive highs and lows. I still get a weird feeling in my stomach, and my heart pounds when W calls, but I just don't pick up - how dumb is that?
I guess I NEED to poop or get off the pot - if I can be crude. I guess this is sort of what I'm afraid of. If I press W, she will definitely go the dissolution or divorce route - I'm unsure as to why she's delaying - it only hurts her to delay further.
Also, again, there is some evidence that the A is cooling off - they used to date a bunch the first few weeks. He even drove the hour+ to see her when she had the flu - heh. Now, according to my kids, they only see each other once a week, and it's with the kids at all times.
So, the big wimpy doesn't-want-to-lose-his-family side is afraid that pushing D right now would kill things right when they are getting better.
So, I guess I'm wondering aloud what my OTHER options are? I could end the darkness and start some small friendly conversations with W - she has certainly tried to start them with me. Definitely has started convos that has not been necessary for the kids - and even called about stuff with the kids that she didn't need to call about. I think if OM is still involved, I shouldn't do anything - OR is this the time to pounce when it seems like the polish has worn off?
Or is that just going to get my hopes back up, and drop me again?
Or is it best to grow a pair, ask W flat out, and get it over with?
Sigh - mostly rhetorical questions, and quite honestly, since I don't KNOW what the R is with OM, then it's all conjecture at this point.
