whitelight, I understand....but each person has to get to the point of seeing the light and understand that being a doormat will not bring their spouse home, nor will the spouse have any respect for them when they are door mats.
Each person will figure this out. Some of the spouses return too soon and that's why they are back out there on the street in short order. Others return, but play the field while have the best of both worlds...now they are the ones that I really worry about.
Setting boundaries, having more self respect and learning to do for oneself are some of the key elements to winning the "whole self" back. Posters will learn that no matter what happens, they will be okay. We all have traveled this road and are very scared, hurt and will do almost anything to get the spouse back at first. However, as we continue to travel the road to Oz, we learn that we need to take back control over our lives, the self respect will reappear, etc. and life will be better for us. Whether the spouse comes back or not...that's our decision if we want them back.
We have to be patient w/the posters and allow them to walk the same path we did. There are many lessons for each hiker to learn along the way. We have to be here to help them up when they fall. We can't give them the shortcut because they need to learn, just as we did.
