DB is premised on making the road home smooth, and having your spouse pissed off at you and other people pissed off at your spouse makes a harder transition to reconciliation. It's a nuclear option (I thinked I coined that phrase on these boards) and it complicates things.
It definitely makes it bumpy at the time of the bomb, but at some point, before reconcilation can fully occur, the affair will need to be dealt with. My personal opinion is the sooner the better. Of course, if someone wants to use it as an excuse to leave or stay away from the marriage it's a very convenient one. And it will be used. However, if someone wants an excuse to leave they will find it. No matter how carefully you walk on eggshells (and I became a "master" at walking on eggshells!), there's always an excuse...
Originally Posted By: theoden
A friend once told me one of the reasons I am having discipline issues with my children is that I am living with an unrepentant adulterer and they have no idea what happened.
Most discipline problems are due to inconsistent rules. Also, "risk takers" tend to require extra effort, and can create more challenge.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
