Same thing happened to me. Wife was having affair but had me removed from house by police and charged me with physical abuse . Not one documented incident , her parents were at our house every single day to put our children on the bus . They would have saw something . I was getting closer to the truth and she panicked and now I'm out . Tales of the affair have been mounting and I filed for divorce . She dropped charges because she had no case . I exposed her affair to the OM's wife to level the playing field . I hear he has since dumbed her . Too F---ing bad. My therapist told me that they feel guilt and will try and defelct the guilt onto you , don't let her . I was a mother and father to our children while she pursued her Ph.D . Did all the housework too . Now , like you , I'm a monster . Karma baby , karma.
Luckily there are no police reports. Just innuendo by her attorney that there are "witnesses" who will testify to seeing bruising, etc. on her.
I suppose I'm just wrestling with what to do. I've mentioned my knowledge of my W's activities to her, but she's come up with 15 different reasons for why she was spending the night at the next door neighbor's house.
She isn't going to admit to it, and because I've quit arguing about it I guess she thinks I've been convinced. I'm not retarded however, and I just wish she'd tell me the truth.
What do you say to someone? There is too much evidence to deny, there is too much history here to pretend all of a sudden it is just an innocent thing. She's worried about making excuses for the single night... but she's neglecting to remember the countless arguments, her behavior, etc. over the latter half of 2008 with OM.
All of a sudden, when I hire a PI for the purposes of proving adultery - she runs off playing James Bond, swapping cars, running back next door to the house she just left, and then gets busted... all of a sudden it was just a coincidence and she was really going there to spy on me...
Funny thing, some of her friends/family believe that. That isn't the first explanation she's had about why she was there. I'm sure it won't be the last.
So... anybody got any advice? I feel like I'm giving tacit approval by allowing her to go over there while I watch our D, but on the other hand - I don't want her to withhold my D because I refuse to accept her going over to OM's house. When a custody order is in place, it won't be so bad. Just hate that we are getting to that point.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
