HI there Moonlocks....we're all sorry your find yourself here....but maybe there is hope....
One thing that stood out in your post to me was this part: "As we've tried to talk about this more in the last few weeks I've been shocked at how little regard he has for a sex life; it's as if he thinks my needs are shallow and bothersome. He thinks our problems are much bigger than this silly trivial thing."
If you read a lot of the posts here, you will find a common theme in them among the LD folks....and the thing is that, they don't understand why lack of sex is a problem, because FOR THEM, it is not a problem.
To HD people or to just average-level of desire people, lack of sex IS a problem. We (myself being HD) simply cannot understand at first glance HOW someone could see lack of sex and not see a problem there. But over time, with lots of reading and understanding, you can start to paint for yourself a picture of how the other side feels - the LD/ND side.
To put it as simply as possible, an LD/ND person does not see any significant value in sex. The release is just not that big of a deal, and the emotional connection isn't that big of a deal, either.
LD/ND people have their own reasons for being LD and those reasons can really make a difference in whether a couple can over come their problems or not.
For instance, a traumatic event within the marriage can cause LD. Having been molested as a child can cause LD. Or having low testosterone can cause LD. Each of these three "reasons" for LD will have different success rates for the married couple.
In your case, what you are describing sounds like just true and simple LD....and unfortunately, this is the hardest type of LD to deal with. Usually people who are just LD with no trauma or serious hormonal problm, and who have been LD with all their previous partners....well, these are the types of LD who are the least likely to really "get it" and realize that they need to step up to the plate.
For people with trauma, past sexual abuse, or a hormonal problem, then at least there is "something" to begin with...a place to start the healing from.
But for a truly LD/ND person, well, where do you start?
The answer to this question, one which I mentioned on Lucky's first thread down here, is this: the place to start is by the HD person realizing and understanding that there is nothing wrong with their spouse. There is nothing wrong with being LD/ND. Being LD/ND would not be an issue between two spouses who are both LD/ND...and therefore, the only real problem is that you two are not matched up in sex drives. But this doesn't mean that you are right and your H is "wrong". What it means is that you've got a long battle ahead of you....
I hope you do a lot of reading on this board...and get through SSW....and then let us know how you are doing!
