Retrouvaille saved me - AN #3

[AnotherNightmare]

breakaway - I have been following your story lately even though I do not think I have posted in your thread. Your H's behavior seems to be very similar to mine pre-Retro, so maybe Retro could help the two of you as well. It is an amazing experience that I do not want to miss. I am very glad about my personal results. There is still a long way to go with my M. My W did not have quite the same experience. I feel a little sad when I recall some of the things she has done, but that is hers to figure out.

Puppy - I am looking forward to reading more about your experience. I think there is actually a reason why they do not give you many breaks. We had a 20-minute break on Saturday, and I was getting ready to leave during that break. I am glad I did not, but your R is still so unstable, so fragile, almost any contact or conversation with your S outside the rules they give you can take you many steps back.

limbo - I agree with you 100%. The important lesson I learned during the first week after the Retro weekend was that I have to be careful with my W. Even though we learned a lot and worked on our M probably more than the last 10 years altogether, there are still many things we do wrong. And if you think now is the time to resolve all your conflicts, setbacks are inevitable.

Some journaling:

We experienced such a setback on Friday and Saturday trying to discuss a few things that we should not have discussed yet. Things got a little tense, but the good news is we both were able to say I am sorry at the end. That was a new experience.
I think one of the issues we are still dealing with is our true roles in this drama. There is no question my W was the victim of my emotional abuse, but does being the victim clear her of all wrongdoing? I observe that she might think that way. This could be devastating to our M, if it leads her to believe that she does not need to change.
Our first post-session on Sunday revived a lot of the positive feelings and good experiences we had. After the session, we went for a Starbucks coffee, a novelty for us, and had some light conversation. I will probably join her on the trip to Germany in April, as my current project will end this week (if it had not been canceled, I probably would have not been able to take vacation) and I will take over a new role that will also allow me to work from home a little more.

I feel kind of optimistic, maybe a 4 on the scale of 1-10. If my feeling were a color, it would be... (just a little Retro insider joke )

AN