I paid for it Sunday night (couldn't quit crying). Talked to his Mom some more. She hates what I did (don't blame her) but she loves me and thinks what he is doing now (having that lady stay with him) is just as wrong. Of course they won't tell him that to his face. His brother is not saying a word against him right now and I understand that. H does need some support from somewhere. But at the same time, family is there to kick you back into reality. Did find out that H's brother doesn't like the girl either and that no one trusts her, except H. I think this is going to burn him in time, but who knows. Not my problem, and nothing I can do to change it anyway, I guess. He feels like everyone is taking sides, and I told his mom, it's not about taking his side or about taking my side. It's about taking the side of the marriage.
Sometimes, I really wish she would let loose on him and that his dad would let loose on him. It might not help, and it might make him mad, but maybe if someone would have done that for me, I might not be where I am. I don't know.
So obviously I am still analyzing everything. I have let go some, but not a whole lot. I never really felt like he cared about me...so I didn't feel like he really loved me either. And part of me feels like this is just one more thing. He didn't love me enough to forgive me. Really. Because I see so many of ya'll who do love your wives enough to forgive. And you are dying for her to see the light and act right. And I did. And it still didn't matter. He still didn't love me enough. He says he did. But did he really? He wonders if I could forgive him if the shoe was on the other foot. And I say yes. Because if he came to me now, the way I am going to him...how could you not hope for something better? His Mom thinks he and OW are sitting over there commiserating over both their sorry situations and that THAT is what is driving him. She hates that he is listening to her.
His mom only has about 10 years left. She found out she has Chronic Leukemia. She wants to come see the kids, but doesn't want to see OW. So they won't come because of her. And this is the time she needs to be coming! While she is still feeling good and before treatments start.
Do ya'll think it's too much to offer to take the kids to her house for Easter? I would love to go and stay for a couple days and let the kids spend some time with her. I don't know if anyone realizes...ten years goes pretty dang fast. And I think that is the long view. I need to do some research.
Okay. Guess that is enough journaling. I have homework to do that I am totally dragging butt on.
Did anyone else read that book about forgiving your kids when they are turkeys, how we love them anyway, but our spouses who we pledge our love to...we don't forgive them and love them anyway? I read it and now I can't remember where I saw it. Will try to find it. I thought it spoke volumes.
Something to remember for next time I guess. I am paranoid about dating again and marrying again. Looking at people today, so many of them are...freaks...(sorry)...and I just want the old traditional marriage. Not sure anyone wants that anymore. I'm paranoid of having someone cheat on me. I'm paranoid of being left again. Nothing I have to deal with right now, I know. Just talking out loud.
Hope ya'll have a good day!
Melissa
"Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst."
