Divorced, but 'still hopeful' to reconcile.

[still hopeful]

There is still hope. I'm trying not to piss it away. I am surrounded by people who tell me that I'm nuts for still holding on; still believing that hope exists for my R with my XW; still seeing the best in my XW, despite all that has transpired. I continue working on making myself worth coming back to, in her eyes. As I said, she's volatile and unpredictable, but then again, that's what I fell in love with. <heavy sigh> I have my challenges in life outside of my sitch and I'm working tirelessly to get my 'stuff' in order so that I will move forward productively. Ultimately, I do want to be married go my XW again, but neither of us wants our 'old' marriage back. As I grow and become both a better man and more accepting of myself, I am seeing the entire world through new lenses and my future is looking brighter.

So, yes, I'll just keep on keepin' on and do my best to NOT continue being my own biggest stumbling block and worst critic. I know that a lot of what I've done up till now has been good and correct, but I also know that I've done some things wrong. I am just trying to stay in the 'game' long enough to continue healing and improving myself in hopes that my XW will find the best in herself. It's only then that we both will be able to make a correct decision about what our future holds for us together, if anything. I'm holding on until God makes it clear to me that doing so is not His will. Until then, I'll keep on keepin' on and continue posting, letting others know what is happening in my sitch and hopefully allowing them to learn from my mistakes and successes.

Regardless, I'm here because I find both healing, encouragement and different perspectives from others to determine what is MY best course of action with MY XW in MY situation. I know that how I reap, my actions and/or inactivity, is exactly what I will sow. I simply pray and trust that those who care about me and the outcome of my situation will stick with me and offer their thoughts without judgment and/or exasperation. I do subscribe to the belief that we can say what we mean without being mean and that I'd rather be happy than be right.

Thanks for reading and caring enough to post. All who do help rejuvenate my spirit and strengthen my resolve.