Que Sera, Sera - Whatever Will Be, Will Be

[lemonsnap]

I finally told my parents this weekend about our upcoming separation and H's desire to move out and not work on our relationship right now. I'd told my mom about it some on 2/13 but hadn't wanted her to tell my dad because at that point I wasn't sure if it was really going to happen.

It was really hard to tell them - not only because anytime I have to tell someone, it opens everything up emotionally and is very raw, but also because they're my parents and obviously want the best for me. Not to mention that H and I JUST got married 6 months ago, so this was a complete and total shock to them. (Which I understand, because it was the same for me!)

We had a good discussion and they both expressed their concern and sadness for the situation. My dad took it really hard. I think it really shocked him. He reacted less negatively than I had anticipated, although there was some protective dad in there too that got angry for a little while.

I didn't go into the details with them, told them it was very complicated and that H and I were both doing the best we could given the situation. I asked them for understanding and to treat H with compassion and understanding as well, because if we ever reconcile, their reactions to and treatment of this situation will be important to our ongoing family relationship. I don't want negative reactions or emotions on their behalf to come in between my H and me if things ever improve between us.

I asked them to tell some other close family members just generally about the separation. I can't really face having to have those conversations with others right now.

H and I didn't spend very much time together this weekend. He was out looking for an apartment on Saturday, and I went to my parents' house for a while and then worked on projects in another part of the house. I went out to dinner (alone) with friends to celebrate a birthday and even went out dancing with them. The club was all decorated for Mardi Gras. It was odd to be out without H but I did have a good time!! I love dancing.

On Sunday I had tea with my mom and two other friends of ours, and then visited my grandma at her care center.

It is getting a little easier to be by myself. The weird thing is that sometimes when H isn't home, I start to miss him and want him to come home, and then when he does get home, I seem to get annoyed with his presence!! What's with that?

Hopefully it's just a phase that will pass. I know I'm just going through a lot of new emotions right now and am obviously still pretty confused about this totally new stage of my life.