1. Your W is young, and may cater to her parents influence, I can't imagine they would approve of an affair and a divorce, particularly if you two have a child. 2. Her parents likley won't approve of the OM if he's been this invasive. Try to get some dirt on him if you can. 3. If she's religious, which it sounds like she is, then that can influence her decision too. 4. Her being religious, you can turn to clergy members to counsel her. Most religions discourage divorce and encourage you to work on your marriage, particularly admonishing affairs. 5. She has'nt moved out yet. 6. You have a child, another influence to keep her from leaving.
There's a lot of positives here to be optimistic. DON'T listen to her...when she talks she is going to put up HUGE EMOTIONAL WALLS to fight you off and keep you out.
Maturity is the strongest force to break down those walls. Do'nt let the walls scare you off or intimidate you. She WANTS you to tear them down, but you can only tear them down by showing her you are an adult.
Keep up the good work.
Again look into that part time volunteer work. Find something she likes and volunteer part time in that area. Use your imagination. Showing maturity is what will win her back.
1. she is well aware that her parents disapprove of all of this 2. the only dirt I have is I made him aware that he shouldn't be invading someone else's relationship, let alone one on the rocks. he responded by spending the night when she asked. 3. she is very devout, however her happiness comes before the Lord in this matter. 4. we weren't married in the church (married by the mayor). still, is it acceptable for me to go to our parish and ask them to consult with her on this matter ? 5. she hasn't moved out because I haven't moved back in. 6. she says our son will grow up and love us both equally no matter if we are with other people eventually.
***- i'm trying to stop filling up this thread since its someone else's. could we move our conversation to my thread ?
thank you much
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
This post was a long time ago. I hope you worked out.
My sich is similar. Wife went to ex-bf after being married to me 5 years. I moved out because the main problem with our marriage had to do with my depression and instability. I planned to go someplace and get a job and prove my that I can wake up from my depression and fix myself. While I was gone W got involved w/ ex-BF. He apparently hates me and thinks of me as the Other Man since he was "still in love with her" when I married her.
I moved myself back in to the apartment. I really thought she told me that we were going to work out our marital problems but it turns out that what she was telling me was that she wanted me to stay out so that we could start dating again while we worked on the marriage.
However, things all just burst. She was unwilling to let go of the OM even though she can't imagine being with him for ever. She can imagine us together though. But she chose to ask for a divorce rather than end the relationship with this OM.
I am moving away from her again, neither one of us can afford to live in this apartment alone.
I am going away to work on myself. I need to forget about this marriage for now because it is broken and I am the only one that wants to fix it. I can't fix it without her help.
The more I hang around the more pain I feel and the more I see that W is behaving in ways that are completely not true to her personality.
She wants a divorce now and I don't but I want to stand up for myself.
