He then told me a way I can get over W is by falling in love with someone else as love is a powerful drug in and itself.
It's basically a "hormonal high." Just like when you were a teenager and developed a crush on someone. I think MLCers and people who prefer serial relationships rather then long-term ones are more hooked on this hormonal high --just like others get hooked on drugs. From what I've read, the "mature love" state usually takes about a year or so to reach. The hormonal high eventually dwindles and then you have a clearer idea if it's "real" love (unless it's one of those highly emotional up/down relationships, where a couple is breaking up, coming back together, breaking up... that could potentially continue the hormonal high...or just a desire to not "lose" something one previously "had"... just wanting to avoid feelings of loss...).
Originally Posted By: ppenton
I think she is having a MLC but her C doesn't believe in them
Most people don't realize it until afterwards. And even still, it's part of the developmental journey. People in it, do what they need to do. Unfortunately, it can be a selfish journey that has potential to create a lot of damage. The only thing those of us on the outside can do is let go of the other person, and try to take care of ourselves and the children affected by it. Really focus on your kids. I know my kids took it hard (particularly the younger one). I did try to let them know their father still loved them, but he needed to be away for a little while and take care of himself. I actually did explain to my kids about MLC and "mid-life jouney's" and how this had nothing to do with them, their dad loved them still, but he was in a place where he needed to go find himself and we had to let him go. Maybe he'd come back, maybe not... but we had to create the best lives for ourselves.
It was a really hard time for my kids. I like to hope that some of it made them stronger and more understanding so that if they ever go through it, or have a spouse going through it, they will be able to work through it with strength and understanding.
Originally Posted By: ppenton
This particular one is very tough and gut retching and I'll stand by her as long as I can.
It's not a matter of "standing by her," but more like loving her enough to "let her go" and decide where she wants to be. While, in the meantime, working on yourself to create a better friend, future husband etc...
I think you are doing very good, but I know it's very painful and difficult. You are a good guy....
P.s. You did the right thing on the money Issue. Being the primary parent you need to stay firm to the agreement. Always say the children need this or that and NICELY point out how you need the money for them. Unfortunatley money can become a big issue during separation and D.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
