I would just say something to H like, if it isn't going to be "us" any longer, than "you" need to be the one to figure our what to do with her and her money needs.
Not that I would want you to drop your SD ..but don't you see, your H is still counting on you to do the responsible stuff, and you ARE doing it, while he comes in and out of the R as he pleases.
He knows that you are waiting for him.
He needs to think you are not going to be.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
