You do what you say you're going to do. That is how you enforce your words. Otherwise the words are empty, otherwise...he knows it is just talk, and there is no strength to the conviction.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
We're just bluff calling right now. He said I'll leave, I said go, H said what will you do if I don't? So he isn't going anywhere. Again.
I can rag on him and force him out that way. That's not who I am, but probably all it would take is to keep asking him to talk with me about our issues. He considers that a fight. I can blow it open and talk to anyone who wants to know what's been going on with us, including my family. I can take legal action.
How else do I put clout into my words and enforce change?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Tehnically he took his bags years ago. His clothes are not here, most of his personal stuff is long gone. There's a few things remaining that he brought when he moved here and business stuff. Nothing else to pack for him.
I told him which 3 horses I wanted to keep, and he could take the others to ow's where he has a horse already. That prompted him to start a 'fight' about why I didn't want a certain horse he thought I should want. I said I need to pick my battles, and that horse isn't one of them, but if you leave her I'll keep her. He said 'pick your battles? I can't believe you won't keep that horse.....' I asked why he wants to fight about a horse I DON'T want. He agreed to leave my old dog, and 'our' other dog he wouldn't answer when I asked. He just said 'he likes it here.'
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Hey W, I have never posted to you before but I have ben reading. My h has been leaving for 20 months. He is now gone for 4 days a week at his ow's mother's house.
I told him last week he has to go so I could move forward, but he is here again.
I was just wondering why these men say they want to leave and then dont.
I know they are cake-eating and all, but really, I could never say that I was leaving and then stay, ya know?
If he likes it there then why doesn't he really live there. His stuff isn't there, and he doesn't sleep in his bed. He's only there at night, not so?
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
bm, welcome. I don't understand why H won't leave the rest of the way. BeingMe, H said the dog likes it here. That was his only answer to my question if he was taking the dog. H can't even say yes or no to that. During our convo H always derails the talk and brings up whatever else he can think of to avoid giving answers. I was more determined and kept going back to the questions and we did cover a variety of topics without ever solving anything. That's our normal SOP.
H came home in the evening like nothing ever was discussed. I had made some supper, and had just popped a cheese curd in my mouth when H looked and said 'you didn't just eat one of those!!' I said yeah as I was chewing. He said he was going to eat some the other day but they were moldy. I asked then why did you put them back in the refridgerator instead of throwing them away?! He threw them out then after showing me mold on a few of them.
This morning I asked H for a hug and we hugged. I told him I wanted it to be part of our routine and didn't want him acting like pouty 10 year old that had to hug his grandma without her teeth.
I can make a pile of the things that H has left in the house. I am thinking to also give him 2 phone numbers. One for a L and one for Retrouville, it's his choice which one to call but an appointment has to be made.
The other night we had surprise overnight guests. H slept in our bed with me. It was just like old times, we slept close and touched all night long. The night before that I had sent H a sizzling email about the collection calls I have been getting for him and we needed to fix those problems. I was giving him one more chance to talk with me about it before I went in search of my own answers. That's why I initiated a talk yesterday, to follow up on my email. H would rather walk than talk. Then he should be making tracks. I'm probably still not making any of this sensible to follow as it's pretty disjointed.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
I can't believe he wanted to fight about a horse you didn't want to keep. I think he expects to fight, so he looks for one even if there isn't one there. Maybe he needs to fight, to justify everything he has done, and continues to do in his mind. "All WCW and I do is fight, why should I stay here?"
