Checking in. Part of me still wants to expose the affair to family/friends/etc. - but the other part of me is scared of the retaliation she'll take in the form of withholding my daughter, false allegations, etc. We have a custody hearing in less than 10 days if we can't work out some sort of agreement.

My W is doing what she is doing consciously, but it is so far away from what her core values were before the A that I keep wondering when she'll snap out of it. She's convinced her mother of the innocent nature of her relationship with OM, and I dare say even if I got them naked together on tape she'd sell her mother a bill of goods about a new form of Yoga that she'd be willing to accept.

I speak with my lawyer today hopefully, and will try and get on the same page about everything. He spent all last week listening to opposing counsel's side and is probably wondering if I'm the one who is full of crap. But I'm the one with documentation on everything.

As far as the abuse situation - my word against hers. No police reports, no police calls, no medical reports, no photographs, nothing. Just her saying I've done things and sympathetic family willing to testify to 'seeing' things. Sad that I have to take measures now to pre-empt allegations.

I'm not sure what actions to take, and that means it is probably better to take none atm. Exposing the affair further has the risk of backfiring, but leaving the secret intact also seems to give W more reason to put me through the ringer on abuse, etc. as the reason she's leaving.

Hindsight being 20/20, all the warning signs that led me here are plain as day. I don't understand why I willfully blinded myself to the truth... outside of the trust I placed in my W.

It is harder to feel betrayed when I had a one-night stand back in April, but at the same time I confessed immediately and begged forgiveness. She said she forgave me, and our relationship seemed to improve for a while. My emotional needs weren't getting met prior to what I did, not a justification by any means, but I understand the feeling. I also understand my W's emotional needs weren't being met by me. But at the same time - I wasn't this horrible jerk. I was working full-time, going to school, handling everything around the house, etc.

Yet she is 100% completely focused on blaming me for everything.

Well... does anyone have any suggestions or advice?

"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."