Maybe I should be in piecing part 6?

[Hope4us]

Thanks Mel.

Yes, everything indicates to me that she wants to stay, but why do I feel like leaving?

I don't know, maybe everyone goes through this, that just when it seems their spouse may be figuring everything out, that we start to examine just what that means. And the more I think about it, the more I realize I NEED more from her. More than I've got from her our whole marriage. Wow, kind of sounds foggy huh?

Rest assured, it's not. It's a realistic examination of our marriage. And it's true. Maybe early on she was giving me what I needed, but in the last number of years, not so much. And I'm just not sure I can see her ever filling me up the way I need.

Another perfect example. Last night, S16 is going to his YMCA basketball game. He calls me about 20 minutes after he leaves and says he has a flat tire. I put some clothes on and head out the door saying to W "I'll be home in a little bit". NOTHING. So I'm walking out and I say "ok, see ya", kind of like having both sides of a conversation with myself. THEN she replies.

So I go to change the tire (about a 20 minute drive), can't get the thing off so I have to call AAA, sit there for probably an hour waiting on them, get it changed, stop by a store to pick up W the apples and carrots she takes in for lunches (we didn't have a chance to get to the store this weekend) and head home.

I get there, doesn't ask me about the car. Doesn't say thanks for picking up the apples/carrots, basically doesn't acknowledge my doing anything.

Now I'm not looking for a medal. But a simple acknowledgement that I made the effort to pick up stuff for HER lunches, after being outside in the cold and snow for an hour and a half taking care of our car, would have been nice. But she's so self absorbed, that she can only think about how everything affects HER. And I'm not OK with living this way anymore.

I'm tired of feeling like I'm the one that had the affair. I'm tired of throwing myself on the sword taking ALL the blame for everything that's happened. Being alone for the rest of my life would be better than living like this. Guess I see where WAS's get to when they decide to walk away.

Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything drastic yet. But just how I've been feeling the last few days. I'm just tired of the crumbs....