My first step out of Newcomers

[Can it work]

I've just been home for lunch and I took the time to phone a friend of mine. He told me that he saw my W out on Saturday night waiting in line to get in the local night club. I know it's completely irrational and selfish of me but it upset me to hear. I realise it's a step back for me in the PMA department but I will manage to stop myself asking her about it in any way. I've come too far to go down that route! As ever it's just sent my mind reeling in all directions. What was she doing, who was she with, etc etc etc!! There's no need for anyone out there to tell me that this kind of thinking isn't healthy. I'm fully aware of that. I also know that it's completely unfair of me to expect her not to go out because I've been going out myself lately. I guess I just felt comfortable when she was telling me that she wasn't ready to go out yet. Now I've found out that she's gotten over that feeling and managed to go out clubbing. I know I'm not going to let it affect anything to do with my DBing but it still wasn't easy to hear. I suppose it had to happen sooner or later though. In a way there has been a little bit of improvement in my attitude towards it though. A few weeks ago I would've been texting her asking if she'd had a good night and trying to fish for information. I'm not going to do that this time even though I am really curious as to what went on. Unfortunately, my friend was no good for information because he can't remember much after seeing her!! He told me that he'd said hi to her and she'd told him she was surprised that he was speaking to her after everything that had happened. I think now that she wasn't going out before because she was worried people were going to be giving her a hard time.

Anyway, I know this sounds like I'm slipping but it's just happened so I thought I'd write it down when it was still fresh. I'm sure I'll get over it by the end of the day. It was just the initial shock and disappointment that got to me. Sorry if anyone feels I'm letting the side down by reacting like this.