Hey Still, thanks for your comments, I've been learning a lot from so many people here; its comforting to know you're not by yourself. I read up on some of your sitch and I wish I had done things to get intel. I was sort of laxed about it and it bothers me to this day. I would tell myself to follow her one day, check the mileage of her car, put some type of program on the computer, put a recorder in place; all sorts of things. I never did any, and I regret that because it makes everything circumstantial, my word against my W word. The only resolve I have is that her actions spoke volumes to me more than anything, but when you just don't know anything about anything, you just wonder. This is me. I heard something years ago and it kinda helps me make sense about the not knowing: "You don't have to see air to know you're breathing it in". Kinda like what sandi2 was saying about the apple. My W will never admit to anything, too much pride and righteousness. Furthermore, after our bout with MC a few years back, the MC told me snooping was a bad idea and an invasion of privacy and that may have played a part in my timidness to not follow up on my intuitions THIS TIME. My response to the MC was that if I had never done what I had done, I would not have known what had been occurring in the M.
In your threads, you also mention speaking with your W parents and I wish that was an option for me. At every bad situation, where my W threatened our future I tried to speak with her parents just to be cut off. From my W account, her parents did not have a good marriage, so maybe that is why I got these responeses:
1st issue where wife did not come home one night, I went to talk to her father and he pretty much told me he did not want to hear it, and whatever the case that that was his daughter and he would take her side regardless. Hence, that changed the dynamics of my relationship with her father.
2nd issues that led to MC where my W was involved in an EA, very possible PA, I figured I would talk to my W mother. My W mother has a PhD and is a standout influential member of a very big church where we live, but I was reluctant to speak with her because of how she treated me over the years. She pretty much did not accept me until we were married. And again, I pretty much received the same response. My W mother told me not to bring that nonsense in her house and that I should have not been invading my W privacy. She said it was my fault and that I should not have pried. Here, the dynamics were already aloof and this just made it worse for me.
I have not seen my W in months and it gets hard; really hard, but God does not give you anything you can't handle. I stay in my Bible, I stay in DR and close to family and that's getting me through, as well as insight and support of this forum. I wish I had found it before our separation. When my W denounced our M through a txt message, while I was at work, she said "I left not knowing if I would ever return. I have thought strongly about leaving, but did not want the heartache, yours and mine after all these years. I know you will bounce back". I think I'm gonna change my name from Lyfe to Living. I have not given up hope, but being in limbo is not a healthy place.
