She wants to go back - that is a huge step for her, isn't it, that she is recognizing what she needs? Is this the group that she has to go live with, or the support group that is local?
I wish there was a way that we could make the other's see what their actions are doing - but there isn't. No one will see what they don't want to see.
So it is up to us, F, to do as much as we can. We see it, so the burden falls to us. Try not to waste time or energy wailing on stbx - direct all of that into doing all you can for your kids. D18 back at school? How is your son - hockey season almost over?
