Just keep swimming...PH #4

[pearlharbr]

Finally done with watching the Oscars and telling the whole sordid tale to my friend A who knew something was going on but not the details. I was feeling bad for not telling her since our other mutual friends know, but I was trying to keep them out of it because her H and xBF are somewhat friendly (although they haven't spoken in over a year). Plus it was nice to have someone to talk to as a distraction without having to get into any of the details. Good thing is that A's H said he has independent friendships with me and xBF (he is a former coworker of mine) so he doesn't feel like he has to choose sides. Of course A is my friend looks like I'll get to keep them in the split.

Anyway, I know most people think I should either reply to xBF's email with a "While you're still having an A we have nothing to discuss" line or just ignore it altogether.

So I'm going to post here what has been running through my mind of what I want to say to him, or at least some of it.

You cheated on me and lied about it, to my face and to others. And you continue to be involved in this affair. I want to be with someone I trust, someone who doesn't lie to me and hurt me. You obviously are not that type of man.

You also told me that you stayed with me because it was easier than leaving. I will never be with someone again who feels that way about our relationship. I tried and tried with you, but I can now see that it just wasn't working for us. I want to be with someone who loves me and WANTS to be with me and isn't just staying because it is easier on him.

I want and deserve to be with someone who I feel is my best friend. We never had that.

And if your message is a representation of your feelings for me and our relationship then it's just not enough for me, not even close.

Ok, feels good to write it down. Off to bed.