I personally thing the poor me card is about selfishness, self-centeredness and fear. They aren't thinking things through and reality pretty much puts it out there for them. Before my separation my H complained that I was spending his money for myself or the kids selfishly. I warned him that it would not be easy to live on his salary alone as he thinks. He swore he could do better. Since living on his own he swears he will not question me ever again with money. He wonders how I did what I did now. And he wonders, as everyone does how I do it at all. Anyway, he starts to complain to me and always stops himself on this one because he now knows I wasn't kidding him. When it came to filing taxes this year, I told him that I had to figure it out different ways to see what would benefit us the most - that is the usual advice with separated couples. He got pissed and made an appointment for his own, I knew that separately I would benefit and he wouldn't - but he took it right out of my hands. He hasn't complained either which makes me wonder what happened and whether or not we will be audited because he did something wrong. Oh well, just one more thing to worry about or not.
I don't know about your H, but mine doesn't thing much when it comes to practical things. He is usually over thinking every thing else though. His selfishness comes from fear and lack of thinking and planning. So, poor me is all about them - not your problem.
I frequently try to figure things out for a balanced view and he always accuses me of something just because he doesn't know enough. I have learned to just go with the flow - I offer and if he pushes me away - so be it. I will take care of myself.
