Another Wife Rising From The Bomb's Ashes

[VeronicaV]

Tawnya,

Great self-discovery! I know how painful this stuff is, it really takes one to the depths, you know?

I like what you said about being good for ourselves first. That is an important lesson for us all.

V.

[kassie]

{{{T}}}

We all repeat the patterns we saw growing up in our own families when whether we are alone or M. ( for instance, some people never m and are considered to be m to their job.) The patterns that hurt us the most are the ones we have to look at and change what we can in ourselves so that the dance changes in our R. Sometimes, M people start out one way and turn each other into the "monster" that we were afraid of as children. That is why there is an emphasis on changing ourselves and seeing the impact on our spouses.

AT the risk of having you think too much and not sleeping... I would suggest you try to see how the past patterns showed up in your current M. Obviously your H wasn't always this way or you wouldn't have M him. Isn't that what everyone says? They were different. So were we to a point, M changed that or sometimes it is having children that changes it.

When Michele suggests doing 180's, or going dark, it is so that we can either return to the person we used to be, or try something new, or have the time and space to consider the patterns that don't work and the ones that do or did.

Make sense?

[Tawnya]

Kassie..yes it totally makes sense as far as doing the 180, I HAD to do the 180 for me, and not be the clingy one..and I've really come to appreciate "her/me"..the non-clingy one as it relates to my hub and myself. Also I've had to learn to not be that way with friends either, that one seems to be a bit tougher. Amy said to me tho, "it's good that you HAVE to be alone sometimes to see that you CAN do it".

I had a tough night the other night and, tho you all were here with me on the board, as many as were around, I still had NO one physically here and no one I called on the phone or talked to in real time. And, surprise, I made it thru that okay..better than okay actually Would I have rather had someone to hug me, cry with me, listen to me, whatever? Absolutely..but I needed to just do it for myself I think!

Tawnya

[kassie]

The first few weeks after H moved out I cried to sleep almost every night. I have a stuffed animal and lots of pillows to cuddle me if you like that. I got to a point of being ok until recently -it started again over recent stuff. You can read my thread to find out what's been happening.

Pillows - all shapes and sizes - check out Target.

[Tawnya]

Thanks {{{Kassie}}} Yeah I have a nice fluffy pillow and a cute little teddy bear I got over Valentine's weekend from my mom/sister that I sleep with..but I'm really okay right now anyway!! Like I said, it was a one night "freak out" and not constant..I just like that this is making me stronger (I hear that Kanye West song in my head "That that won't kill me, will only make me stronger..")

Tawnya

[pearlharbr]

(((Tawnya)))

I had a freak out earlier on when I just craved some physical touch. I did end up going down to the guest room and crawled into bed with xBF and just laid there for a bit.

It is hard not having friends physically around during this time, especially when a hug would go a long way to making you feel better! But as you said, it's just making us stronger.

[JDOllie]

Heh, my kids get annoyed because I'm hugging them all the time. I told S6 I loved him, and he said, "Sheesh, Dad, I KNOW - you don't have to tell me every 5 minutes!"

I can tell you {{{Tawnya}}} that those really hard days SUCK, but it does help strengthen you - you've heard of my couple of rough ones, but it is cool how the next few days seem like chump change...

[kassie]

{{JD}}

I hug my kids a lot and they know it is me that needs it most of the time. They get used to it. Now as adults they offer them, ask for them, and just do it all the time. I think it is a great way to raise kids.

{{T}}
Glad you got the pillows!

{{P}}

Get yourself some pillows - all sizes and shapes. It helps.

[kassie]

I guess I have to ask people to check out my weekend. It has been awful. Could use hugs, emergency aid, and a lots of A. Seriously, I was hoping people would check in and realize everyone has a lot going on.

[Tawnya]

{{{Kassie}}} Sorry I got your SOS late and then couldn't find your thread to boot..but I just got done posting to you there..HUGS my friend

Tawnya