Sooooo, today I met A at his work. It was a good trial run.
Current Achievements:
1.) initial risk taking was scarey. 2.) roommate encouraged me-felt good. 3.) I 'acted as if' I had a breakfast date...I looked the part. a.) A noticed, 'you look good. you going some place?' b.) He was busy taking a client for a test drive. He waved and said he'd be right back. When he came back, I figured he would take awhile.
4.) I brought him tea 5.) I waited a bit. Talked to the guys I knew. (smile, smile, flirt, flirt) 6.) As I was about to leave, A came over. a.) I gave him a couple of things that he needed. We kissed (not on lips) ??? b.) I told him that it was ok...'I just wanted to catch up and touch base' c.) He said thank you and said that we would catch up soon.
7.) I told him about my having a male roommate...who he knows. a.) Verdict is still out on that.
8.) I left feeling pretty good and that I accomplished something. I felt that it was a beginning. Slow and steady wins the race.
9.) I am very appreciative for the support from V and my parents.
10.) Maybe A feels more comfortable, too. I miss him.
I think people mean well. I really think people don't want us to be hurt. Most people don't believe in this method that dbing advocates. Frankly, I'd rather not go down the angry route. I think there is too much to lose telling them 'if you don't want this relationship, get out'.
My roommate feels that I should sit A down and tell him how I feel. And if he doesn't agree, then I should tell him 'don't call me anymore, don't ask me for any advice, pretend you never met me, and I wish I never met you'. He thinks that is good. Even thinking about going down that path gives me heartburn!!!
I am going to stick with my plan. Thinking that people feel sorry for me gives me a feeling of grief. I know that my roommate is skeptical of people all the time. I am never that way. He always tries to read people from the beginning. I usually just like them or I don't. He always thinks people have a motive. He doesn't trust. I don't think that he's that successful with relationships. He's just a man.
Back to the game ... I've decided that I don't agree with my roommate's advice.
Today, I'm stuck between being angry and being depressed. I can't understand this.
I can't understand:
1.) why A hangs out with M. a.) what can she offer A that I can't? This kills me. 2.) if I'm doing everything right, where is he? 3.) why he can't take the time to see that I can be lighthearted? 4.) why he we can't talk about our what I want without scaring him away? 5.) if he loved being around me before, what happened?
I am so sorry that you are feeling these feelings. I do understand them because I feel them too. I don't know how we can stay in our sitches without feeling any other way. My best friend told me just last night to get over and get out of my sitch. I don't even have the sympathy or support from family anymore. I am almost completely alone.
My H called and left the infamous VM on Sat. telling me that "if I can be agreeable, real, practical and sensible about the price of the house then his atty will sit down with us and talk. If not, I may as well just go ahead and file." When I called him back (the next day) he was rude and argumentative. I was calm (finally) and said I would call his atty, which I did.
I left a message saying for her to please call me but not today (because today is my BDay, and I won't be dealing with this). I keep asking him to please tell me if he wants to be friends, and when he does something to hurt me, I always reiterate "so you don't want to be friends then?" And he keeps saying that "you did this." I must not be asking the right way. I think next time, I'll ask him how it is my fault?
Anyway, I'm afraid to give you my opinion because I don't want to hurt you, but it sounds to me, just from your most recent post, that you are strong in your convictions, and that is what counts. People who don't trust are always going to be negative.
Wrapping my arms around you with a big cyberhug. poet
I've been in the place dealing with a similar situation when my H was acting like your H. I know that you must go to bed saying 'who is that person'. I did. I still can't understand why he left. We didn't argue. I wasn't a seahag. I supported and encouraged him. I'm in good shape. I'm very patient, blah, blah, blah. I just don't get it.
What bothers me is that the world around you and me can't understand why we still love and choose to go through it and wait? People feel sorry for me because I do not date, I'm not interested in anybody else, etc. They think that I'm wasting my time. They want me to angry and express it to him. I don't talk to anyone about this except a couple of friends, and they even ask me, when will I be ready to move on? Noone really encourages me but Laurie and my Mom. Others see that it has taken a long time for A (my H) to even talk to me, BUT I want to have hope, too.
I live everyday in this rollercoaster ride. Sometimes, it is worth it, and sometimes, I wonder if it will ever end. Today, I'm down and I'm hanging on, too. I'm back to 'going dark'. It sucks...big time. I have to believe that the rollercoaster will slow down and drive smoothly.
jojo just read some of your posts not all, but just wanted to remind u that u keep looking at what u did, remeber alot of this has nothing to do with u.....one thing that I noticed lately and i will try and conmpare it..is i have a friend who I really liked but she started driving me crazy calling me all the time and then just started making plans like I am coming down your way...and automatically started checking my free time...like when i had it we would be doing somehting.....oh my gosh...i was like....now it isnt anythink about her really but i need spalce from her.....when this happened i started thinking is that the same thing my h feels about me and your about u? then i realized the best thing really is to leave them alone....and sort through this...let them come to u
Thanks grace, I usually do ... but like anyone else, I get tired of this situation. I go off the radar screen ... I'm not sure what really, really works for me, but going dark is where I feel the most comfortable.
I also agree that standing back to look at patterns (yours and his) can offer a helpful perspective. It seems as if there is a period of time that comes around for A when thoughts of you move him to call you. And I agree that your decision to wait for him to initiate helped you see that he does want to connect, just in a different time frame. Hold onto your wide angle perspective JJ! Big, big hugs back to you!
Hi L: I re-read your message from a while back. I've seemed to have lost momentum and getting impatient. Re-reading your words encourage me! Thanks for them.
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