Another Wife Rising From The Bomb's Ashes

[Tawnya]

{{{V}}} I just left your thread..funny how that happens Thank YOU..I love the thought that I have grace and dignity..that makes me very happy to think I come across that way, because that is the way I WANT to be

Interestingly, I just came from your thread, which I suggest anyone take a look at if they haven't, otherwise what I am gonna say may not make sense LOL!! (hasn't stopped me before however!) Anyway..V was talking about things she learned about relationships based on a past hurt, i.e. her father dying at a young age and "abandoning her"..which got me to thinking about my own "abandonment" issues and perhaps why I would tend to be clingy in the past, working on it!, and more dependent:

My parents separated/divorced when I was young, like around age 8, and my sister was maybe 1. The details are a bit sketchy to me, but, not long afterwards my mom was in a car accident and was fine, but broke her leg or something, and couldn't drive me to school, so I ended up staying with my dad for an extended period of time. After that, I went back home and was, of course, crying for my dad. So (and I am sure there is more to it than this) my mom let me go with my dad and my sister stayed with my mom. Then, as I grew up, my mom moved far away to Florida and I rarely, if ever saw her. There would be times she would say she was coming to visit and not make it, not show up for whatever reason. Anyway, so it got to the point where I KNEW she would let me down.

As I got older, it took moving back to close to her (which we have a great relationship NOW, but not what it should be really), for me to realize how clingy/dependent I was toward her and my hub too. I worked thru a lot of "how could any mom leave her child, even if it's with their dad", "why didn't she want to see me" all the "fun" self-worth issues. I really had to come to the conclusion that, even if it's just ME here, I have to be okay with that and, for the most part, I am.

Of course, also as V said, I don't think there is anything WRONG with not wanting to be alone and/or wanting to be in a relationship, but it's the reasons why and knowing that, if you aren't, you are still okay, that are important!! Besides, how can you be good for anyone else until you are good for yourself? Hopefully I'll get to Silva's "I'm great fun to be with" point of view that he has of HIMSELF..but I"m pretty cool to hang around for sure and would be there for my friends in a second

Tawnya