Well, I think you have seen and got exactly what you have been expecting and a whole lot more besides.
He is really scratching around to find ways of getting to you, and at the same time release guilt from himself. There is NO way that any of what you were told consitutes an attempt to work on the M, in fact, it's not even the type of conversation you would have with a friend. I think it really tells you where he is in your relationship. He does feel guilty, but is unable to process that internally and therefore turns on you and points out YOUR failures. It's called projection. They are probably his own feelings about himself.
Telling someone that they failed as a parent is THE most hurtful thing a partner can do. I would guess that as his previous efforts to get at you have failed, then he is bringing out 'the big guns' and letting rip. forget what he said, it doesn't reflect on real life, you know that, and from the little time I've had to get to know you, I know that as well.
There is NOTHING wrong with kids still living at home, my S23 is still here and I love it. We have had more fun recently than we have had for years. It's not a male thing, it's a narrow minded thing. They are YOUR kids, they can stay with YOU as long as YOU want them too right?. Stuff everyone else and their opinions. Looking after them at the early stages of adulthood is just as important as looking after them as babies. It shows, to me, that they consider home a safe place, a loving place and the fact that they are still there, means that you ARE a good mother. If you weren't, they would be gone.
With regards to waiting. You have your own reasons for doing that.
Quote:
as far as I am I concerned - he has left the M. He has said it is over and if he changes his mind, he will have a lot of work to do to get me back - and in the meantime I may decide not to be available. I didn't get M to live alone, or to be left hanging. So I will start making decisions accordingly
That is the most sensible and correct thing I've heard you say Kass, and the fact that it took a bad conversation with your H to make you say it, is irrelevant. You are NOT going to get any grief from me for talking to him. Only a hug. {{{Kass}}}
