Well it gets worse if you can stand it. He called several times today and I finally responded. He started off telling me about some sermon he heard at church about how everyone has to work hard even when they don't feel like it. He applied to our sitch which was fine but then went on to point out my failures, what I need to do and not to do. I want to explain that so I can get some validation from everyone that I am not crazy. But I want to continue with things from there.
I stop him and explain that if he expects to me to work on the M with him then he needs to go back to school and learn how to be nice to someone if he wants something in return. Blaming me and pointing out my failures and telling me what to do and what to think is not how you win friends and influence people in a positive way. He even started to undermine my confidence at work by telling me something that was said in confidence to him about me. It's no wonder after all that he has put me through which no one really knows about - but yeah, I have been moody. But it is just the point that he would try to undermine my confidence at work when I have kept so much about him a secret there so he can keep his job.
So it goes on and then I just hung up because he just won't stop talking over me - listening to me - or quiet down. I call back later, when calmer to apologize for getting angry and hanging up. Didn't want to continue the convo, just felt bad about the way things ended. He had a bad attitude still and started going over the same territory - I told him that I did not call to continue - but to put things back on the right path. Didn't work and at as I was about to hang up he said, go ahead and hang up on me - to which I replied, I wish you would stop and think about what you are doing. He quieted briefly but resumed it and so I did leave it at hanging up.
I also told him that despite his claim that he wants to work on the M with me and he will not return while they are still here with me, that I fail to take his claim seriously. I feel that it was his choice to move or stay and work on his problems, and he left - he is getting help now and he is still saying he can't come back - so as far as I am I concerned - he has left the M. He has said it is over and if he changes his mind, he will have a lot of work to do to get me back - and in the meantime I may decide not to be available. I didn't get M to live alone, or to be left hanging. So I will start making decisions accordingly - just about me and my kids. Just like he is unilaterally making decisions for himself and our M.
Now to get back to something else - he is accusing me of failing as a parent because my kids are still at home - D18 graduates from HS in June and is deciding on what college to accept entrance to ( she has four offers) and S21 was supposed to grad from college June, but may not be done until Dec - so plans to leave home hinge on that I would think. Is there something wrong with kids not leaving yet? Their F is a little concerned too. Is it a male thing? Honestly, am I doing something wrong here?
I also knew that when H started to work on his A and problems that it would take time. I don't mind giving him the time to do what he needs - but I don't like being told that I have to wait because he can't move back in with me and kids because it is too much for him to handle. So, for me, it is the reason for waiting that i have a problem, am I mincing words here?
I know it was a bad idea to talk to him. So please don't start with me on that one. Some feedback about everything I can handle. Thanks all.
