hi again, I'm glad you reposted.. no worries about how long they are... sometimes getting out your worries here helps keep them here instead of spilling over into your 'real life'.
There is nothing 'wrong' with your feelings... you are in the midst of a confusing, anxious time... just because you 'feel' something doesn't mean you have to 'act' on it. You can choose to take a time out & come back to a discussion when you are feeling stronger & more in control of your emotions.
Do you have access to Employee Assistance Program (EAP) through your work? They will usually provide counseling free of charge. Even if they don't, some medical insurances will pay for some visits to a counselor as well. It might be worth a call to check..I would highly recommend it, some professional help for your peace of mind... find someone who specializes in abusive relationships or family counseling, and ask if they have experience in helping women in your situation.
I hear that one of your biggest concerns in $$. That is understandable.
I know in Iowa (I take it from your username that is where you live) there are insurance programs for kids who are not covered. HAWK-I coverage... here's one schools website for it.
While I understand your concerns about telling your family members about this.. you need close support & a possible safe place if you decide to leave. You can tell them you are not going to listen to their 'terrible' things and leave the room if they start. Tell them you just need them to emotionally support you & your kids as you walk this difficult path.
As far as food, check with local churches as there are wonderful programs out there for food donations (angel food ministries) for as little as $30/month for a family of 4. http://www.angelfoodministries.com/
Most communities have domestic abuse groups.. friends of the family type of organization. You can call & anonymously talk to someone about the other resources available in your community or nearby.
I would also have have a back-up plan to get you & your girls out of potentially dangerous situation. I'm glad to hear your H is going to be gone for a while soon.. that will give you some time to sort some details out as you need to in order to take care of you & your girls.
When the two of you are home together, try not to get in a room with him that does not have 2 ways out of it.
If you choose to leave (a room or the house) in the middle of an argument, try & do so calmly and let him know that you just need a time out, not that you're leaving for good.. that tends to be like throwing gas on the fire.
Keep a spare set of car keys some place you can always get to them. (glove compartment of the car, under the seat, in the ashtray)
Have bag of spare clothes with extra cash in the trunk.
Have someone (preferrably a big brawny brother or friend) on your speeddial that will come check on you if they receive a call from you that is unresponsive (in other words you can hit the speed dial number & leave the phone sit on the counter or in your pocket without waiting for them to answer it).
In my experience & from what I read about sitches like these, the closer the abused woman is to leaving, the angrier & more dangerous the abuser becomes. Your first priority is your & your kids safety. Community services will take care of things, as you said to start out, if $$ is an issue.
What are you doing to take care of yourself? De-stress? Enjoy 5 minutes of a day? I know it's hard to think about that in the middle of this... but it really helps with your state of mind as this progresses.
Peace Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
