Still getting nowhere fast....

[lost-n-Iowa]

What suggestions do you have about getting yourself ready for what may come? My main concern is weather I would be able to support my girls after it was all said and done. I have a job that I love and would hate to give it up so that I could work more hours somewhere else for maybe a little more money. I know that I could probably get state assistant for a bit to get things started. I am not above that if it helps keep food on the table for my girls but I think I make a little bit too much. But it's a place to fall back on if needed. I know that there would be some sacrifices so that I could save money like TV, internet, and the likes. I buy most of the girls clothes at resale shops since they grow so fast so I know I can cut some more cost in some places. I get support from one of my girls' dad and he is regular but the other is what I would consider a deadbeat dad, no support, can't keep a job, can't keep insurance on her (which my H does have on her even though he doesn't have too).

My H did not come home last night at all. I can only assume that he stayed at friends' house He has not called and probably won't. I should not be suprised by that. I feel like breaking down and crying but I don't want my girls to see it happening.

My H is suppose to leave to go back to Georgia for 2 weeks on Wednesday. I am counting down the days. I don't want to talk to him cuz I know that we will end up fighting. He is mad at me as I am mad at him. We got our taxes done and we got a very large amount back. We spoke about what to do with it and I thought that we had an agreement about the funds. I was to pay off a $5100 lawyer bill (from custody battle) and he was to pay $4000 to state taxes and prepaying our gas bill. What was left we split. I only had to pay the lawyer $4700 so I told him that I would split the extra with him. We had to split the refund down the middle so the bank would cash it since he was out of state at the time, so he owed me $550 from that, minus the $200 and he was to give me $350. Okay so far he said. Then he paid prepaid the gas bill but it only came to $1400 instaed of the $200 that he had said he was going to pay to it. He refused to split the rest with me stating that it was his money and I had been nice to split my extra even though he never asked me to. I guess I could have lied to him!!! Anyway we fought about this for two days. I accussed him of stealing my money because he was refusing to give me the original $350 that he owed me plus the extra from the gas bill. I told him that I could not trust him, that my faith in him was gone, and that when he gives me his word it doesn't mean much now that he has screwed me over. I also said that him not giving me the money that I was owed was stealing from me and the girls. Unfortunaly I did not say this quietly enough and the girls heard. My oldest wrote him a note that said she was hurt that he would not give mommy the money becuase that is what mommy uses to pay for the stuff that she needs and wants. We fought enough that I locked him out of the house and took his debit card. Told him that when he gave me what he owed me I would give it back. He wrote me a check on an agreed amount of $500. I have kept his debit card until I can cash that check on Monday and make sure that he has not put a stop check on it. Once the check is cashed then I will give his debit card back.

Besides the fact that I am being immature and stooping to his level of stupidity....Am I wrong for feeling this way? Am I wrong for wanting the money that we had agreed on before we cashed the tax check? If I am don't hold back tell me what you think? I am second guessing myself now that he has been gone this long and I am scared that he won't come home tomorrow and will go to his lawyer and file papers. I am so confused. I can't talk to my family about this because they dont' like him and they would just take my side no matter what and say all kinds of terrible things about him. In other words they would be EXTREMELY bias. I don't want to burden my friends with this stuff because they may feel like I want them to take sides. i have no where else to go but here. Please help of you can......