I am 37 and my H is 30. We have been together 11 1/2 years and just got married July 30, 2008. Many things have happened in the past year, H got a promotion to manager at 30/married/renovations on home/dog died in September...
On October 12, 2008, H was different...he seemed angry...I asked what was going on and he dropped the bomb. He doesn't love me any more, he hasn't for a long time, he wants to be alone....I tried to convince him to stay/begged/tried to change the things bothering him, etc. Bottom line is that things are good, then he flips on a dime.
What adds to the story is that in August, he met OW at a golf tourney...she works for the same company, but in a different city. By November, she was calling him on the weekend and by December, he spent a whole weekend helping her move from one city to another, which is now closer to where we live. He stayed alone with her at her home, but does not consider it inappropriate. I have asked him about her, but he says they are just friends....but she wants him. He says that they have not crossed the line, but emotionally YES they have. There is more than he is saying to me...
I did some DB coaching and it seemed to help. H came home and we had a great New Years and whole month of January. H went back to work out of town and to see her and he flipped overnight (Feb.13/09) Next day he was done again. This was after we had been looking at new houses together, bought a new car, registered for a marathon in April....
I have searched history on his computer and right up to that point he had been looking at things for us, long term. Next day, he was looking at places for himself, etc. I figured it out and he was looking at birthday gift for her, cheap by personal. He ended up buying Rockband for XBox for her, which is expensive, but impersonal. All of this I found out by snooping, not through him.
The hardest part is that he has been away all weekend where she is and I have no idea where he is or what he is doing. We have had no communication and my mind is assuming the worst.
I think that my husband is in full MLC. This OW is out to take him (she has been married twice and she is 34. Both husbands ended up cheating on her?) For all intents and purposes, she is a knockoff of me, other than he can tell her work stuff that she can relate to. When he is with her, he has no responsibility.... while I am here trying to hold our home together.
What I need to know is how you stop the crazies! How do you block out the insanity that you feel? The anxiety? My mind can write the craziest stories for me and I feel nuts. I am in counselling and seeing my doctor once a week, but that doesn't seem to help the times when you are alone.
I want to save my marriage...when things are good, they are really good. When he goes off the rails, I am on a runaway roller coaster. I don't know how to do it? How do you save your marriage and stay sane.
Any ideas would be greatly appreciated. I feel so alone in this...
