Probably should be in Piecing, but Going to Stay

[Still Waters]

Thank you so much for that, wdid. I am always looking for more insight into what my W is thinking and feeling. The last few times I saw her she was in so much emotional pain and inner turmoil, and filled with so much self-hatred, that I was worried about her safety. That's why I exposed the A to her family. And after the initial anger and shock subsidized, they have been very loving and supportive of her. I think my W really needed to see that. She was so afraid that people would condemn her forever (she comes from a conservative Southern Baptist background) that she denied the A to everyone. Now that the A is out there, and the people most affected by her actions (me and her family) have told her that they can forgive her, I hope that my W will forgive herself. So far she hasn't allowed me in to help her on that journey, but it's only been a week since I confronted her.

Do you have any books that you recommend for my W? She does actually read things that I give her, but I haven't really given her anything related to healing from affairs yet. Perhaps "Not Just Friends?"

My W is also starting to go to IC again. I convinced her to at least think about seeing a cognitive therapist (which did wonders for me) instead of her old therapist (who seemed to do nothing but have my W talk endlessly about her childhood). So hopefully she'll do that, because she needs help breaking this negative and hopeless thought pattern she's locked in.

I have made it clear to her that I am here and I am ready and willing to start working on the marriage. I told her that I can forgive her for the A and that in time, and through her actions, I can rebuild my trust in her. But so far she hasn't agreed to come back and start working. She says she feels too weak and powerless. So I have given her the space she asked for and have gone dark.

I feel a lot better knowing that her family is now there to support her, because before it was just her friends. But I hope she'll find the strength to work on her M. Any other suggestions you have on how I can help, while still giving her space, would be greatly appreciated.