Divorce looming #4

[25yearsmlc]

Kev,

I'll look again but did NOT see what she wrote. Is it buried within another posting?

(( j ))

OKAY I found the "agreement". DO NOT SIGN THIS....period. I could list item by item what is wrong with this but it would take all day and look like I'm trying to practice law from this state into yours so I cannot do that. I'm telling you it's a joke. It is not enforceable but even so, it gives your wife the illusion of power and control and the reality is, Legally speaking, SHE IS REQUIRED TO DO A LOT OF THIS AND YOU HAVE TO DO ALMOST NONE OF IT, ....why oh why on earth would you sign it?

You are NOT protected/benefitted in an enforceable way, as the only thing she's giving you is temporary support. *(So tell her as long as the checks keep coming, you won't do anything to jeopardize THAT) and let that be her "leverage" and as for the rest, it's all about what is best for the kids. STOP mixing the issues.


An "online" attorney is not considered seeing one, okay? Just as I will not pretend to practice or counsel you here on this board, I cannot imagine why you'd think asking an online question would suffice for the most important thing you've ever signed or done. Would you consult an "online doctor" for a cancer diagnosis without any lab work or actually meeting you???? This amazes me.... Kev, you are too upset to be thinking straight right now. SLOW DOWN. Take a breath and step back...

As for quitting your job, maybe it is too bad you didn't get fired b/c you'd probably have gotten unemployment and or, she could not argue you are "under earning" on purpose but that is really an argument for HER to make when the checks don't come to you. See?

Do Not sign this. Instead, see a legal aid attorney or someone who writes up temporary orders in an "emergency" kind of temporary restraing orders pending the resolution of issues and often you can get those for 60 days or so, as that is the typical "fast track" divorce there, and does NOT resolve custody but marital status only. Get someone who can write up something temporary about maybe just not changing the kids residence for the next 6 months, and both parties agreeing not to initiate legal action against the other, nor to engage in "parental alienation " which means neither of you bad mouths the other spouse to the kids, and that includes you not telling OM's family, FOR NOW, anything. In most states, if you bad mouth the other parent to the kids, it's called "parental alienation" , and you can LOSE custody and in most ways, I like that rule. (So I guess if you want to cuss out your w, STAY married to her ??))
Point is it hurts the kids. Places the anger of one parent over the needs of the child.

And Kids figure things out on their own anyhow. They tend to bond more with the parent who "lets them love the other parent" more, meaning, anger does not benefit you with your own kids. The angrier parent LOSES, as far as who the kids want to be with. That's a fact.

Again, keep it simple. It's about the kids, and I guess you need some money from her.?? Too bad you don't just cash in some community property.(?)

So just agree that your departure is temporary and for your job (isn't there something IN Texas that could accomplish this, or do you need your parent's support? Have you no savings with her wonderful salary?)

Again, DO NOT MIX THE OTHER ISSUES and even though in the back of my mind I was laughing at this "contract" b/c I know it's not enforceble --as if she'll get money from you if you exercise free speech ....as long as it isn't parental alienation, you can say what you want legally speaking...and as if getting a lawyer to review YOUR rights as a dad will be seen as a wrongful delay and anyhow, you have the LEGAL right to delay all you want....as long as there's no fraud, theft, etc. She's trying to get you to give up LEGAL rights in exchange for money that you MIGHT have the right to anyhow... wth?? Don't sign....

NOW OTOH, keep in mind that what you tell others or OM's family and how you refer to stbxw, and what you say to them, usually makes other things happen---

1) you'll look vindictive no matter what your real motives are (and let's face it, some or all of it IS vindictive and a desire to punish her and OM) and;

2) the judge will likely frown on the disclosure, feeling that the OM' w may know this already and be struggling with it, and when you make it public and take away HER shield, or have HER children learn something that was really up to HER to tell them, you are overstepping and putting your anger ahead of what is best for someone else's children. That news should NEVER be told to them from a stranger.

Most judges tend to view these disclosures as a petty & destructive act of vengeance unless there is a pregnancy (ie a fraud) or STD....and don't say the fact that you don't know if there is one, is your reason. Again, stop mixing the issues and letting her tell you what you can and cannot say and to whom. Promise her, verbally, and only if you feel like it, that you won't do anything to hurt anyone's kids, (and then remind her that she cannot say the same...)

Oh and a 3rd reason...remember your long term goal here? It isn't about "justice" as YOU mete it out; that's for God, it's about the restoration of your M . Oh yeah...


Remember how you want to KEEP THE ROAD HOME PAVED AND SMOOTH, which just means don't make it harder for her to snap out of this than it already will be. Does NOT mean be a doormat either. See a real L... dear God, or just sign nothing.

If you have to later prove that you went to Florida temporarily and your w knew this, (which the stupid document actually helps you prove) so she can't argue you abandoned them...but who knows what she's thinking? Do you really need her money right now? God knows I like that she's paying you something but not at this cost. Signing nothing is likely better than signing this crazy thing. Gosh I'm too tempted to go over the document line by line and I cannot do that on this board as it's too close to advising you....just promise us ALL that you'll see a real L and tell him/her the facts.

Hope this helps more than it confuses. And who the heck said you have to leave the house??? Excuse me but are you on the lease as well? Sure it's her parents home, but until you have a chance to breathe, since this is pretty new to you, can you at least see a real in person attorney to protect your rights as a FATHER??? Of course you can. Do it. And won't your inlaws understand this? Good grief, you are the father of their grandchildren Even if you have to go to a hotel for a week, to escape too much craziness, get a lawyer to review a real document and get some protection before you leave the state. Do Not Sign This... Oh, last but not least, no offense, but 5 months of sobriety does not a recovery make. Are you going to meetings? Are you in a program? Although I AM a believer in them I realize some men aren't. But 85% of successful recoveries are associated with some sort of program, AND more importantly, perhaps, is that the courts care about a program. Not just your word that you've been sober. Recovery is a lot more than just not drinking, okay? So, keep that in mind and don't assume others will see this problem as having been "handled". She will bring it up, no doubt. So do not drink and for God's sake don't get a DUI or anything like
that on your record if you want to see your kids unsupervised and have any chance of restoring the M.... If you are afraid going to meetings makes you an alcoholic, reconsider that rationalization. Besides, who said you have to tell her?
GOOD LUCK and our prayers are going your way buddy...
((( j )))