Thanks Sara! Sounds good to me...I am going out with girls from work on Friday. This will be the third time in 4 weeks that I have gone out with friends. To be honest with you guys, I have not had three 'girls' nights' out PER YEAR since I had kids...
This is a good change for me regardless of my marriage situation!
I just wanted to jump in on the issue of glasses for your d. If she hasn't seen a pediatric opthamologist already, you may want to do that before committing to glasses. I have heard that optomotrists (sp?) are more likely to prescribe glasses at an earlier stage than an opthamologist. My son has been going to a ped. opthamologist annually for a few years and she's told us to wait on getting him glasses. His eyesight isn't very good, but I've passed that on to his teacher so his desk is close to the front of the classroom. I'm thinking that he will probably get glasses this year. He's 9.
On the Dan front, I think you have the right idea and DBing is the way to go for your sitch. Let him take his time (within reason) to figure out what he wants his life to look like.
Tonight was great. Dan came over at 4:15, we went as a family to the home/garden expo in Omaha. We walked around together looking at things, both of us with our rings on, the kids with us, I am sure we looked like quite the little family to the vendors we talked to.
Then we left at 8:30 to find our car had been towed, first time in my life to experience that. Dan got instantly irate and was swearing in front of the kids, I told him to calm down. While he fumed I got out my cell phone and called the towing company.
They said that they did not release cars after 8 pm until the following day. I pulled the "we are from out of town and I am standing in the street with two small children in the freezing cold in the dark" bit. The guy agreed to release our car "just this once" if we could get him $180 cash that night. I said we could and he told me where they were, seven miles away!
So I did the "how can I get seven miles away when I have no car?" He tried to tell me that I could get a cab, I said I couldn't get a cab b/c I had two small children with no car seats since they were in my towed car...
The guy took pity on me and sent his tow truck driver over to come and get me! We had walked to a hotel nearby so the kids could stay warm on the couches in the lobby...
The dispatcher said if we came to get it and we were irate or demanding he would not release the car until tomorrow, the reason they don't normally release cars after 8 is b/c they get belligerent drunk people in there picking fights and once he was even robbed...
So I told all of this to Dan and he said he was irate. So I said I would go. So all 5'3" of me rode in the car with a 300 lb. tow truck driver named Darrel, seven miles to the bad part of town to meet 3 other men in a building so I could get my car back. I was very calm the whole time, throwing a fit would do me no good and I wouldn't get my car back anyway.
I never drive in Omaha so once I left the impound lot I had no clue where I was. But, my phone has a navigation system in it so I typed in the hotel name and made it back unharmed. I was pretty pleased with myself, I was the calm one in the situation, and did everything to get our car back except go to the atm in the hotel lobby, Dan did that. And he waited in the lobby with our kids. I would consider that a 180 b/c I am not usually the take-charge person in those types of situations.
Part of me knows I should be pissed that my husband allowed me to go off in a tow truck at night with some strange man to an unsafe part of town. He said he wouldn't be able to keep his cool about paying 180 to get our car back. Well, that is pretty sad to think he has no trouble dropping $200 at the strip clubs but was fuming to pay that so we could get our kids home safely...I just found it disappointing that he was still playing the victim card, pissed about our car when he was the one who parked in a tow zone!
Oh well. We made it back all safe and sound and the kids are in bed now. Dan just left to go to his house and do some more work. It is strange when we were at the expo and looking at flooring and countertops he was asking me which colors and styles I liked, as if it really mattered...
What a story! So his temper gets in his way again! I know of a boy who was killed trying to steal his car out of impound. It is no place to mess around! Congrats to you. But that doesn't change the low marks your H gets for his childish behavior.
Good job Bbj, see what are some of the benefits of being a cutie? Sorry he let you down, again. I hope the time he was waiting for you to return, he used it to think how stupid his behavior is... xxx K
I am not sure about the "family" outings though. Remember when for months H would come over to drop the kids off and we would have lunches together and he would take naps on the couch etc etc? He told me he made up his mind to come back AFTER those stopped because he missed me. The hours we were spending together once a week were enough to keep him going feeling secure I was always there. Just a thought...
Hey BBJ, you are a rock! Dan on the other hand....well anybobody who would let you go pick up the car instead of him because he was mad....well...let me just stop here becasue I do not have anythin positive to say about him. You on the other hand are GREAT!
I am upset with H at this point. Actually, upset is too "active" and "emotional" a word. I guess I just feel let down and disappointed. It is funny that he could have an affair, move out of our house, buy his own house, yet the tow truck thing is what disappoints me?
I never thought my oh-so-chivalrous husband would drop the ball like that. I am all for women's rights and all that jazz, but what husband lets his wife go off to the impound lot while he stays behind pouting with the kids? I was thinking that thought before bed last night, and realized, the same kind of husband who would cheat on his wife and move out, that's who...
And this weekend WAS Dan's weekend on the calendar we made together. He had the kids Friday while I went to the play, but when he left Friday I asked him his plans for the next day, and he said he had to work on his house. So he didn't come and see the kids until 4:15, they were "mine" all night/morning/afternoon until then. And today is 'his' day, too, but he said he would meet us at church and then see us at karate b/c he has to do work on his house...
I have work to do, too. Mine is not remodeling, but laundry, cleaning, organizing, etc. And I need time to do those things too!
Hey BBJ, I did not want to rile you up with my post. I do not want to pile on but let me just say that i agree with you on all counts. I am a pretty normal guy ....at least i think so. What he did last night (as you described it), I would not have done to my ex mother in law(you know how much i like her), never mind the mother of my kids. BBJ, I know you do not want to hurt the kids but you are letting Dan off way too easy as it pertains to his weekend on the calendar. It sounds like his weekend on the calendar is you guys doing family stuff together and then he just leaves without the kids. I think I agree with K above. As hard as it is for you, you need to get a little tougher. Use the weekend for BBJ. If you absolutely want to do the family stuff, do it on YOUR weekend. have a nice Sunday BBJ.
