I'm sorry too..I really feel for you. Did you open the package? I guess you know whats inside. Have you got a good friend or relative nearby? I'd advise going to be around people and then maybe opening it, or maybe get on the phone to someone who cares about you deeply, it helps you know.
As for what you desrcibe about hard lessons and cycles : "I look at the world around me and I see cycles. It is the natural order of things. Stagnation is death. But I see this cycle, and it looks so much like the first time around. It has both prepared me, and cursed me."...
well, I know you have some interest in astrology and what you describe sounds very Plutonian.. and I am betting that Pluto in your chart, or Pluto transits could be at play here.. and if you look into that, or book a session with an astrologer, you could look at both sitches from years ago and now and draw some parallels. And if pluto is at play, that can be a tool to some deep pyshcological healing and then your patterns WILL change, believe me. Such is the nature of pluto.. and it IS painful, people going through this stuff describe it as being in Hell, of being stripped bare of everything that matters to them, back to the core, or down to their soul. You feel exposed, vunerable, in pain and WTF happened to me?? BUT.. its the symbolism of the phoenix rising from the ashes.. so, one day, you will rise up out of this, trust me.
You said, why am I being punished with this lesson again? Did I not learn it the first time around? Well, no, I guess not. You must have been very young back then, if you were in college so perhaps your soul was not ready to be transformed and change. Now you are older, I am sure you will learn and move past this.
But, take heart Jimbo and be kind to yourself... these things are very very slow movoing, they are painful and drawn out, but you will come out the other side, just not maybe overnight! So, keep posting, we are all here for you and I hope you can be in the company of someone who loves you, because you need that right now.
Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
